- President Josiah Bartlet: You know that line you're not supposed to cross with the President?
- C.J. Cregg: I'm coming up on it?
- President Josiah Bartlet: No, no. Look behind you
- [the President is asking the Butterball hotline how to cook stuffing]
- President Josiah Bartlet: If I cook it inside the turkey, is there a chance I could kill my guests? I'm not saying that's necessarily a deal-breaker.
- Josh Lyman: Don't go through the lobby.
- Sam Seaborn: Why?
- Josh Lyman: Indians in the lobby.
- Sam Seaborn: Is that code?
- Josh Lyman: No. There are Indians in the lobby.
- Sam Seaborn: How you doing, Bernie?
- Bernice Collette, OMB: I'm not wild about people calling me Bernie.
- Sam Seaborn: What should I call you?
- Bernice Collette, OMB: Bernice is fine.
- Sam Seaborn: But how will you know I'm your buddy?
- Bernice Collette, OMB: I'm okay living in the dark on that.
- [On neighborhood watch cell phone funding]
- President Josiah Bartlet: There's nothing wrong with this policy. It's just too small. I could fund this initiative out of my pocket.
- Toby Ziegler: It's $10 million.
- President Josiah Bartlet: Leo could fund it out of his pocket.
- [the President is pretending to be Joe Bethersontin from Fargo, and trying to find the best way to cook stuffing]
- Butterball Hotline: Do you have an accurate thermometer?
- President Josiah Bartlet: Oh, yeah. It was presented to me as a gift from the personal sous chef to the king of... auto sales in...
- Toby Ziegler: Fargo.
- President Josiah Bartlet: Fargo. Phil Baharnd. The man can sell a car like, well, like anything.
- Butterball Hotline: Very good, sir. You have a good Thanksgiving.
- President Josiah Bartlet: And you do too. Thanks a lot.
- [about a kid who shot his teacher]
- Josh Lyman: His parents, who are in custody, Fed-Exed him to Rome, which is in Italy.
- Sam Seaborn: Are you kidding me?
- Josh Lyman: No, it's really in Italy.
- Leo McGarry: You gave Rene a firm talking-to.
- President Josiah Bartlet: Yes, and while he didn't deserve it, he will someday soon.