Josh Lyman: You know, can I say this? Why don't we just give the $60 billion to North Korea in exchange for not bombing us?
President Josiah Bartlet: It's almost hard to believe that you're not on the National Security Council.
Josh Lyman: I know, I feel like they're missing an important voice.
President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: You know what you are? You're the Charlie Brown of missile defense. The Pentagon is Lucy.
Donna Moss: Ambassador Marbury was just telling me about how royal men are schooled in the ways of courtship. King George III, for example, sailed his bride up the river Thames to music that was specially composed.
Leo McGarry: Yeah. That was just a few years before we opened up a big can of whoop-ass on him at Yorktown.
President Josiah Bartlet: Sweden has a 100% literacy rate, Leo. 100%! How do they do that?
Leo McGarry: Well, maybe they don't and they also can't count.
Donna Moss: Edward Earl of Ulster?
Donna Moss: Do you think he'd like me?
Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: Do you date younger men?
Donna Moss: Sure. How old is he?
Donna Moss: Okay. Well, let's stick a pin in that for a moment and move on.
Dolores Landingham: You're testing that preposterous contraption again.
Leo McGarry: It's not preposterous, it's not a contraption, and mind your own business.
Dolores Landingham: In my day we knew how to protect ourselves.
Leo McGarry: In your day you could pretty much turn back the Indians with a Daniel Boone musket, couldn't you?
Dolores Landingham: Ah, sarcasm - the grumpy man's wit.
Leo McGarry: Sharpen a pencil, would ya?
President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: The number of different words they had for "manipulative," Leo, there's no way they didn't have a thesaurus in front of them.
President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: Where are you on the missile shield?
Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: Well, I think its dangerous, illegal, fiscally irresponsible, technologically unsound, and a threat to all people everywhere.
President Josiah Bartlet: 2,000 environmentalists are going to try to kill me tomorrow night.
Charlie Young: We should go, sir.
President Josiah Bartlet: They're going to come after me with vegan food and pitchforks.
Charlie Young: That doesn't really sound like something people do.
President Josiah Bartlet: Still, I'd like you to get between me and any boiled seaweed you see coming my way.
President Josiah Bartlet: [following the appointment of Marbury to be the British Ambassador to the United States] What made you agree to take the post?
Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: I don't know, I suppose it's possible I was drunk.
Josh Lyman: Reasonable bet.
Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: It's as if the gods themselves insist that we be not long apart, you and I.
Charlie Young: He's back, but he's receiving credentials from Her Excellency Renee Ernesto of Argentina, and asks for your patience.
Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: Then my patience he shall have.
President Josiah Bartlet: Mr. Sumatra, I understand you're a sports fan.
Tada Sumatra: Yes sir, golf.
President Josiah Bartlet: Okay, well, golf's not a sport.
President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: Leo, seriously, when they were telling you that on the phone, how stupid did you think you'd sound saying it to me?
Leo McGarry: This project needs money.
President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: It doesn't work.
Leo McGarry: Neither did several phases of Apollo 11, but Neil Armstrong claims it was a success.
Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: [waiting for an audience with the President] I'll need some amusement.
Donna Moss: [entering] Good evening, your Lordship.
Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: Excellent!
Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: Your assistant, Margaret, is looking positively buxom.
Leo McGarry: [awkwardly] Thank you. I'll tell her.
Margaret: [from outer office] Thank you!
Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: Oh, yes! Well done!
President Josiah Bartlet: I want to know, when you're pushing me toward the missile shield, it's not 'cause you want me to look strong on defense?
Leo McGarry: I'm not.
President Josiah Bartlet: Don't.
Leo McGarry: I'm pushing you toward the shield 'cause I think it works.
President Josiah Bartlet: Based on what?
Leo McGarry: Confidence. And the understanding that there has been a time in the evolution of everything that works when it didn't work.
Toby Ziegler: We don't have to move to our right if there's an opportunity to spank the people to our left.
Claudia Jean 'C.J.' Cregg: Were you able to get girls to go out with you in high school?
Leo McGarry: Is he still holding you responsible for the fall of the Roman Empire?
Peter Hans: Oh, yes.
Leo McGarry: Welcome to my world.
Leo McGarry: You're an expert in the field, and I hope I can count on your support.
Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: You may hope for it but you'll not have it.
President Josiah Bartlet: It's good to have you here.
Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: Your servant, as always.
Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: I'm required to attend the State of the Union?
President Josiah Bartlet: Yes!
Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: Oh, well, then attend it I shall.
Donna Moss: I'm gonna correspond with Edward, Earl of Ulster once he learns how to read and write.
Brit. Ambassador Lord John Marbury: [to Leo:] You think you can make it stop? Well, you can't. We build a shield, and somebody'll build a better missile.
President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: Well, it's a discussion for serious men. They say a statesman is a politician who's been dead for fifteen years. I'd like us to be statesmen while we're still alive.
Leo McGarry: By how much did it miss the target? Colonel?
Colonel Chase: One three seven.
Leo McGarry: We missed it by a hundred and thirty-seven feet.
Colonel Chase: Miles.
Leo McGarry: We missed it by a hundred and thirty-seven miles?
President Josiah Bartlet: When you consider the size of outer space, Leo, that's not so bad.
Toby Ziegler: Here's what I think.
Leo McGarry: Screw the environmental lobby?
Toby Ziegler: Did I say that? Did I say screw the environmental lobby?
Leo McGarry: You didn't say anything.
Toby Ziegler: That's right, and before I even open my mouth, you decide I'm gonna say screw the environmental lobby?
Leo McGarry: I apologize.
Toby Ziegler: There's an extent to which we've gotta screw the environmental lobby.