Father Thomas Cavanaugh: You remind me of the man that lived by the river. He heard a radio report that the river was going to rush up and flood the town, and that the all the residents should evacuate their homes. But the man said, "I'm religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me." The waters rose up. A guy in a rowboat came along and he shouted, "Hey, hey you, you in there. The town is flooding. Let me take you to safety." But the man shouted back, "I'm religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me." A helicopter was hovering overhead and a guy with a megaphone shouted, "Hey you, you down there. The town is flooding. Let me drop this ladder and I'll take you to safety." But the man shouted back that he was religious, that he prayed, that God loved him and that God will take him to safety. Well... the man drowned. And standing at the gates of St. Peter he demanded an audience with God. "Lord," he said, "I'm a religious man, I pray, I thought you loved me. Why did this happen?" God said, "I sent you a radio report, a helicopter and a guy in a rowboat. What the hell are you doing here?"
C.J. Cregg: I am back in America now, I have rights. I'm no longer belted down next to the passenger from hell.
Mandy Hampton: Who was the last President to commute the sentence?
Josh Lyman: Lincoln.
Mandy Hampton: Abraham?
Josh Lyman: No, Bert Lincoln.
Josephine "Joey" Lucas: I want to speak to the President!
Josh Lyman: Hey, lunatic lady, trust me when I tell you there is absolutely no way that you are going to see the president.
President Josiah Bartlet: [the President walks through the door] Hey, Josh.
Josh Lyman: Hello, Mr. President. Welcome back.
President Josiah Bartlet: How are you?
Josh Lyman: Well, I'd like this day to be over pretty bad.
Sam Seaborn: Leo, there are times when we are absolutely nowhere.
President Josiah Bartlet: Charlie, I'm going to ask you a question. And this is one of those times that it's OK to tell me I've stepped over the line, and I should shut my mouth, okay?
Charlie Young: Okay.
President Josiah Bartlet: What happened to the guy who shot your mother?
Charlie Young: They haven't found him yet, sir.
President Josiah Bartlet: If they did, would you want to see him executed? Killing a police officer is a capital crime. I figured you must have thought about it.
Charlie Young: Yes, sir.
President Josiah Bartlet: And?
Charlie Young: I wouldn't want to see him executed, Mr. President.
Charlie Young: I'd want to do it myself.
Sam Seaborn: Leo, I think you're going to find as you go through this weekend, that there's virtually no part of this discussion that isn't bizarre.