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"The West Wing" Night Five (TV Episode 2002) Poster

(TV Series)

(2002)

Quotes

Toby Ziegler: Well... How about when we, instead of blowing Iraq back to the seventh century for harbouring terrorists and trying to develop nuclear weapons, we just imposed economic sanctions and were reviled by the Arab world for not giving them a global charge card and a free trade treaty? How about when we pushed Israel to give up land for peace? How about when we sent American soldiers to protect Saudi Arabia, and the Arab world told us we were desecrating their holy land? We'll ignore the fact that we were invited. How about two weeks ago, in the State of the Union when the President praised the Islamic people as faithful and hardworking only to be denounced in the Arab press as knowing nothing about Islam? But none of that is the point.

Andrea Wyatt: What is the point?

Toby Ziegler: I don't remember having to explain to Italians that our problem wasn't with them, but with Mussolini! Why does the U.S. have to take every Arab country out for an ice cream cone? They'll like us when we win!

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Ainsley Hayes: If I felt demeaned, I'd be among the very first people to know it.

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Sam Seaborn: Listen, I can tell you are down in the dumps, but let's talk about me.

Charlie Young: Okay.

Sam Seaborn: If your sister is getting ready for a night out, and I said: "Deanna, you're enough to make a good dog break his leash "... Would you think I was a cad?

Charlie Young: I'd think you were a hick.

Sam Seaborn: Because of the sentiment or the expression?

Charlie Young: Is it my sister?

Sam Seaborn: Yeah.

Charlie Young: I'd beat you up.

Sam Seaborn: You and how many Girl Scouts?

Charlie Young: If I could stand up...

Sam Seaborn: But if it wasn't your sister...

Charlie Young: Then you're fine.

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Sam Seaborn: Hang on -to Ainsley- Here she is. Celia, I asked Ainsley, and she said she didn't mind at all. Plus Charlie said he's fine with it.

Celia Walton: Charlie's a man.

Charlie Young: Damn right.

Sam Seaborn: Yeah, I also thinks its important to make clear that I'm not a sexist.

Charlie Young: And that I'm all man.

Ainsley Hayes: You're Celia? He's not a sexist.

Celia Walton: If you're willing to let your sexuality diminish your power.

Ainsley Hayes: I'm sorry?

Celia Walton: I said, I'm surprised you're willing to let your sexuality diminish your power.

Ainsley Hayes: I don't even know what that means.

Celia Walton: I think you do.

Ainsley Hayes: And I think you think I'm made out of candy glass, Celia. If somebody says something that offends you, tell them. But all women don't have to think alike.

Celia Walton: I didn't say they did. And when someone said something that offended me, I did say so.

Ainsley Hayes: I like it when the guys tease me. It's an inadvertent show of respect I'm on the team, and I don't mind it when it gets sexual. And you know what? I like sex.

Charlie Young: Hello!

Ainsley Hayes: I don't think whatever sexuality I may have diminishes my power. I think it enhances it.

Celia Walton: And what kind of feminism do you call that?

Ainsley Hayes: My kind.

Ginger: It's called lipstick feminism. I call it stiletto feminism.

Sam Seaborn: Stilettos?

Ainsley Hayes: You're not in enough trouble already?

Sam Seaborn: I suppose I am.

Celia Walton: Isn't the point that Sam wouldn't have been able to find another way to be chummy with a woman who wasn't sexually appealing?

Ainsley Hayes: He would be able to. But that isn't the point. The point is that sexual revolution tends to get in the way of actual revolution. Nonsense issues distract attention away from real ones. Pay equity, child care, honest-to-God sexual harassment. And in this case, a speech in front of the UN General Assembly. So. You -to Sam- 25 percent on the assessments for Category A. You -to Charlie- I don't know what your thng is. And you -to Celia- stop trying to take the fun out of my day. With that, I'm going to get a cupcake.

Sam Seaborn: Well, for the moment at least, I'm gonna do what she's telling me to do.

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President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: I'm saying it's not stress. I was feeling stressed five nights ago too, and I slept just fine.

Dr. Stanley Keyworth: So what happened four nights ago?

President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: I want my money back.

Dr. Stanley Keyworth: [pauses] This is a very unusual conversation.

President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: I get that a lot.

Dr. Stanley Keyworth: I'd imagine.

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Andrea Wyatt: The U.S. Constitution defends religious pluralism. It doesn't reduce all of Islam to fanaticism.

Toby Ziegler: Neither does the speech. It calls fanaticism fanaticism.

Andrea Wyatt: Toby...

Toby Ziegler: It's fanaticism whether we call it that or not, so were going to call it that. We respect all religions, all cultures.

Andrea Wyatt: To a point.

Toby Ziegler: Yes, to a point. Grotesque oppression isn't okay just because it's been institutionalized. If you ask me, we should have gotten into the game three, four decades ago, but they're coming for us now, so it's time to saddle up!

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President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: So, what do you charge?

Dr. Stanley Keyworth: $375 an hour.

President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: For $375 an hour, you ought to bring your own damn lingerie.

Dr. Stanley Keyworth: I do.

President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: There's a great story about Arthur Miller. Death of a Salesman had just opened on Broadway the night before, and he was walking around his old neighborhood in Brooklyn, and he sees a hot dog vendor that he went to high school with, and he says, 'Hey Jimmy, it's me, Arthur Miller'. And the hot dog vendor says, 'Artie, how you doing? What you been up to?' And Miller says, 'I'm, you know, I'm a playwright'. The hot dog vendor says, 'Hmm, play writing... I should've gone into that'.

[chuckles]

President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: $375 an hour.

Dr. Stanley Keyworth: Yes, sir.

President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: For what?

Dr. Stanley Keyworth: I don't really know.

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Dr. Stanley Keyworth: Screw around if you want, but it's your money, it's about to be my money, and I sleep fine.

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Dr. Stanley Keyworth: It can't be easy being you

President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: I told you...

Dr. Stanley Keyworth: I don't mean the job. I meant, you know, being inside your head.

President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: What's wrong with my head?

Dr. Stanley Keyworth: I don't know.

President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: Of course not, that would be $385 an hour.

Dr. Stanley Keyworth: They keep moving the goalposts on you, don't they? Get A's, good college, Latin honours. Get into the London School of Economics. Get a good teaching job. Ivy League school, tenure. Now you gotta publish, now you gotta go to Stockholm.

President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: It's not good for a person to keep setting goals?

Dr. Stanley Keyworth: It probably is, but it's tricky for somebody who's still trying to get his father to stop hitting him.

President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: Well, I'm told that most men lead lives of quiet desperation.

Dr. Stanley Keyworth: Yeah, but that's most men. That's not you. That's the other people, the ones who feel stress. You're destined for something else.

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Sam Seaborn: Hang on -to Ainsley- Here she is. Celia, I asked Ainsley, and she said she didn't mind at all. Plus Charlie said he's fine with it.

Celia Walton: Charlie's a man.

Charlie Young: Damn right.

Sam Seaborn: Yeah, I also thinks its important to make clear that I'm not a sexist.

Charlie Young: And that I'm all man.

Ainsley Hayes: You're Celia? He's not a sexist.

Celia Walton: If you're willing to let your sexuality diminish your power.

Ainsley Hayes: I'm sorry?

Celia Walton: I said, I'm surprised you're willing to let your sexuality diminish your power.

Ainsley Hayes: I don't even know what that means.

Celia Walton: I think you do.

Ainsley Hayes: And I think you think I'm made out of candy glass, Celia. If somebody says something that offends you, tell them. But all women don't have to think alike.

Celia Walton: I didn't say they did. And when someone said something that offended me, I did say so.

Ainsley Hayes: I like it when the guys tease me. It's an inadvertent show of respect I'm on the team, and I don't mind it when it gets sexual. And you know what? I like sex.

Charlie Young: Hello!

Ainsley Hayes: I don't think whatever sexuality I may have diminishes my power. I think it enhances it.

Celia Walton: And what kind of feminism do you call that?

Ainsley Hayes: My kind.

Ginger: It's called lipstick feminism. I call it stiletto feminism.

Sam Seaborn: Stilettos?

Ainsley Hayes: You're not in enough trouble already?

Sam Seaborn: I suppose I am.

Celia Walton: Isn't the point that Sam wouldn't have been able to find another way to be chummy with a woman who wasn't sexually appealing?

Ainsley Hayes: He would be able to. But that isn't the point. The point is that sexual revolution tends to get in the way of actual revolution. Nonsense issues distract attention away from real ones. Pay equity, child care, honest-to-God sexual harassment. And in this case, a speech in front of the UN General Assembly. So. You -to Sam- 25 percent on the assessments for Category A. You -to Charlie- I don't know what your thing is. And you -to Celia- stop trying to take the fun out of my day. With that, I'm going to get a cupcake.

Sam Seaborn: Well, for the moment at least, I'm gonna do what she's telling me to do.

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Toby Ziegler: Thousands of madrasas teaching children nothing, nothing, *nothing,* but the Quran, and to hate America. Who do we see about that? Do I want to preach America? Judeo-Christianity? No. Their religion forbids them from playing the trumpet? So be it. But I want those kids to look at a globe. Be exposed to social sciences, history, some literature. They'll like us when we win.

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