"The West Wing" Life on Mars (TV Episode 2003) Poster

(TV Series)



Charlie Young: Helen Baldwin is gonna write a book. She's retained an agent, who sent around a two-page outline and there's a bidding war. Random House has bought it for low seven figures according to Stu Winkle. Could that possibly be his real name?

[reading newspaper]

Charlie Young: "Baldwin, long a fixture in D.C. and Manhattan Society, whether for her work on charity boards or her position on the arm of some of Wall Street, Washington and Hollywood's most eligble men, as well as hosting some of the beltways favorite..." What the hell kind of a sentence is this? There's a seventy three year old lady who works in the Residence, cleaning and winding all the clocks. She won't retire. She inherited it from her mother, who inherited it from her mother. She earns $22,000 a year. She's trusted to walk in and out of rooms where there's personal correspondence, where she can hear if the President and the First Lady are having a fight, where she can see people come for secret meetings. And she's been doing this for five decades worth of presidents. Her name is Mrs. Wheely and I said, "Mrs. Wheely, you should really write a book!" and she said, "No, no, no! We don't do that." 22,000 a year!

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Leo McGarry: You can't be taken down by this cheap person.

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Charlie Young: Are you eating a salad?

Toby Ziegler: Yeah.

Charlie Young: Why?

Toby Ziegler: 'Cause I am.

Charlie Young: I don't think I've ever seen you eat a salad. What kind of salad is it?

Toby Ziegler: I don't know...

Charlie Young: Just mixed greens?

Toby Ziegler: I don't know what kind of salad it is, I'm eating a salad, okay? I'm doing it, do I have to know the names? There's no difference between them, it's a bowl of weeds!

Toby Ziegler: Some of them have cheese, this isn't the kind with cheese, does that answer your question?

Toby Ziegler: Man, how many years have you been: "Toby, you eat like a teenager, Toby, that's red meat, that's your second cigar!" And here I am, eating a salad, which by the way you could smother up this with barbecue sauce, and it would still taste like the ground, and I'm getting heckled from the gallery!... who wanted to come in here eating his roast beef sandwich with ketchup on a Kaiser roll, and watch the damn tennis on my TV!

Toby Ziegler: That's all I'm saying!

Charlie Young: Man, you're really doing all you can to marry that woman!

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Claudia Jean 'C.J.' Cregg: The farmers are victims of this Republican Congress.

Joe Quincy: I don't get a vote in the US House of Representatives, but I do go to the grocery store. I know that food is cheaper, and I know that when life expectancy goes up, that's not victimizing undertakers.

Claudia Jean 'C.J.' Cregg: Well argued, though I do hate you and everything you stand for.

Joe Quincy: Claudia Jean, you've only known me for four minutes. It usually takes people the better part of an hour to hate me and everything I stand for.

Claudia Jean 'C.J.' Cregg: I'm the Press Secretary Boo-Boo. I don't have that kind of time.

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