- Varna: Today, in my home country is Hamster Stewing Day. But do any of you care? No.
- British Redcoat: And I always hated the 4th of July, because I think that the United States should still be a part of ENGLAND!
- Varna: Well, I've always hated the Beatles!
- 'Weird Al' Yankovic: [bangs some trash cans to shut the crowd up] NO MORE SAD STORIES! THIS PARTY IS FOR HAPPY PEOPLE! HAPPY PEOPLE ONLY! If you're happy, then LEAVE! THERE'S THE DOOR!
- 'Weird Al' Yankovic: Hey guys. Well, what's the matter? Couldn't you find any eggs.
- Varna: It looks like the underground rats got to them before we could.
- Uncle Ralphie: Yeah, what were you thinking hiding Easter eggs in a mine shaft? Next year, I'm going to Fred Huggins' holiday party instead.
- 'Weird Al' Yankovic: I want to thank everyone for coming, and I want to wish you all the very best Christmas, New Year's, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Easter, Passover, Rosh Hashanah, and Cinco de Mayo
- [inhales]
- 'Weird Al' Yankovic: as well as the happiest Groundhog's, Valentine's, Presidents', St. Patrick's, Mother's, Father's, Veteran's, Memorial, Flag, Independence, Labor, Arbor, Boxing, Columbus, and Bastille Day ever.
- 'Weird Al' Yankovic: Hey, my film's burning up!
- [screams]
- 'Weird Al' Yankovic: NO!
- Val Brentwood - Gal Spy: [the crowd cheers] Thank goodness that's over.