- Highway Patrolman R.F. Buddy Plyler: You keep drinking.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Okay, but I'm not gonna get drunk.
- Highway Patrolman R.F. Buddy Plyler: Oh, oh, oh, yes you are too. You'll see.
- Venus Flytrap: [in a drunken stupor] He's from Mars, officer. Whiskey does not affect alien beings.
- Quentin Stone: Excuse me a minute. Are you on the air here?
- Venus Flytrap: [in a drunken stupor] On the air? Huh, huh. I am the air! I'm the wind!
- Bailey Quarters: [entering and walking by the person wearing the fish costume] Hi. Has anybody seen Herb?
- Herb Tarlek: [wearing the fish costume and thus unknown to Bailey that it's Herb] What do you want?
- Bailey Quarters: [giggling at Herb, specifically looking toward his fish head mask] Oh. Well... Herb... if you are in there, this is the advertising copy that you wanted.
- Herb Tarlek: [taking the copy as he waddles off] Oh, good, let me take a look at that.
- [Herb is wearing a fish costume, specifically that of a carp as the station's new mascot]
- Herb Tarlek: What's so funny?
- Les Nessman: Oh, oh, nothing Herb, nothing at all. I just always pictured you more as a blowfish than a carp.
- [Without saying the real reason, Andy is trying to justify to reporter, Quentin Stone, why Herb, Les and Bailey have been arrested]
- Quentin Stone: Why is your news director in jail?
- Andy Travis: Ah-huh! Fair question. Ah, perhaps he withheld a source.
- Quentin Stone: That wouldn't explain why your sales manager is in jail with him.
- Andy Travis: No. No it wouldn't. *But*... what if the sales manager went down to the jail trying only to bail out the news director. That's a possibility, isn't it.
- Quentin Stone: I guess.
- Andy Travis: [assuredly] Sure it is!
- Quentin Stone: [about Bailey] Why was the, uh, lady in the mensroom?
- Andy Travis: I'm glad you asked me that. Why was the lady in the mensroom. Why was the lady in the mensroom.
- Quentin Stone: Why don't you just tell me the truth, Andy?
- Andy Travis: Okay, you win. I'll start from the beginning. Of course, you've heard of the Central Intelligence Agency...