The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)

Autumn (1999)

Gary Waldhorn: David Horton

Quotes 

• David Horton : So what are you doing on Saturday?

  Geraldine : I'll be working on my Simon - Sermon!

  [In reference to David's brother] 

  David Horton : Oh, What's your text?

  Geraldine : Uhmmm... Sermon on the Mount, I hope.

  David Horton : [Later]  Perhaps you can come for lunch on Sunday. Good old fashion pork on the menu.

  Geraldine : I believe I'll be having that on Saturday...

• Owen Newitt : On principle, I'm a great believer in sex before marriage. Otherwise I wouldn't have had any sex at all.

  David Horton : Well, unfortunately my memory is that Jesus was against it, which I think is a problem when we're talking about our vicar.

  Owen Newitt : But things were very different in His day. Women weren't emancipated, and they hadn't yet launched Minx Magazine.

  [Hugo nods in agreement] 

  Owen Newitt : I mean Hugo, I bet you and Alice were at it like rabbits before you were married!

  Hugo : [Nods enthusiastically]  Well, right! Yes!

  Owen Newitt : What did I tell you?

  David Horton : [Sternly]  Hugo?

  Hugo : Yes, well... we... certainly ate a lot of carrots together.

• Owen Newitt : Seems fine to me.

  David Horton : What, for a vicar to go around having sex willy nilly in front of her parishioners?

  Owen Newitt : I shouldn't think it's a case of willy nilly. Willy's got to be willing! You can't do it with a willy that's nilly.

  David Horton : Oh, be serious, Owen!

• David Horton : Item one, apologies for absence.

  Frank Pickle : Yes, I have a note from the last meeting to say that Jim can't be with us today.

  Jim : Why can't I be with you? What have I done?

  David Horton : No. you said you couldn't be with us.

  Jim : I did? Where - where am I meant to be?