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Quotes

[Monarch, in jail, is part of a "Scared Straight" program to convince at-risk teens from becoming supervillans]

The Monarch: You think you're hot shit in a champagne glass, but you're really cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup!

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[Dr. Byron Orpheus is dramatically claiming to watch over Hank and Dean, while equally dramatic music plays in the background]

Dr. Byron Orpheus: Pumpkin! Get me my cloak.

Triana Orpheus: Why don't you wear the...

[Music dies]

Dr. Byron Orpheus: All right, fine. Get me my...

[Music resurges]

Dr. Byron Orpheus: Blue Windbreaker!

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Dr. Byron Orpheus: Pumpkin, you're up early, and you've changed out of your jam-jams into... the clothes you wore last night. How frugal of you. Did you just get home?

Triana Orpheus: Kim was totally plastered, and then we were like ...

Dr. Byron Orpheus: Sweetie, let me love you, don't make this hard for us. Now we have the Venture twins staying with us, and they're not in the den. I sense something is amiss. Is there, something else you forgot to tell daddy?

Triana Orpheus: They ran away.

Dr. Byron Orpheus: [dramatic gasp]

Triana Orpheus: They said they were going to the city to become famous lion tamers.

Dr. Byron Orpheus: Mister Venture trusted me with his offspring. I have failed him! For even now they could be in peril!

Triana Orpheus: Remember when I ran away? I just went to Rachel's house. So try not to embarrass them. For me?

Dr. Byron Orpheus: Don't worry, pumpkin. It is not my intention to shame them. I just have to keep them safe. I will be their shadow! Nay, their unseen guardian angel! Pumpkin! Get me my cloak!

Triana Orpheus: Why don't you wear the, uh ...

Dr. Byron Orpheus: Alright fine. Get me my BLUE WINDBREAKER!

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[Dr. Venture has just saved the life of his deformed twin, whom Dr. Venture tried to kill in the womb]

Jonas Venture Jr.: Looks like botched attempted fratricide runs in the family.

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[about Jonas Venture Jr, a baby-sized person with the face of Dr. Venture's father]

Dr. Byron Orpheus: What is...

Brock Samson: That's Doc's deformed twin brother he absorbed in the womb, who's come back for revenge. But now they've made up, so...

[Long pause]

Dr. Byron Orpheus: 'Kay.

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[Dr. Venture appears to be "pregnant" and is taken to the maternity ward]

Doctor: Sorry, sir. Medical personnel only beyond this point.

Brock Samson: I'm staying with him. I go where he goes.

Doctor: Oh. You must be his... partner... then.

Brock Samson: Not really. It's more like I work for... Wait a minute! No!

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The Monarch: [in a "Scared Straight"-style prison program] What's your name?

Dean Venture: Dean Ven...

The Monarch: Your name is Bitch! And I own you. You're property! And when I'm tired of having sex with every hole God drilled in your slender frame... King Gorilla! You got a cigarette?

[exchange is made]

The Monarch: There. I just sold you for a cigarette... and I don't smoke!

[finally processes who he's talking to]

The Monarch: Holy shit! You're Dean fucking Venture! King, I gotta buy my bitch back. Here's your cigarette.

King Gorilla: Fuck you, gimme a dollar.

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Dean Venture: I'll be sleeping in a room right next to Triana. And then she'll hear, like, thunder or something, and she'll run into my room all scared and stuff. And I'll be like, "Hush, my darling. It's just ionized air molecules expanding." And she'll be like, "Oh, hold me." And then I'll, like...

Hank Venture: Dude! If we stay here, that means that we'll be Dr. Orpheus's kids. And that means Triana will be your sister. And that means you two will have extra-retard babies.

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Dr. Byron Orpheus: There is a television behind the El Greco. Sadly, the remote has vanished from the material sphere! So it's stuck on Animal Planet.

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Dr. Venture: What would I do without you, Brock?

Brock Samson: You would've died.

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[staring at the mangled and burned bodies of Hank and Dean while Brock watches on, and Dr. Orpheus weeps]

Dr. Venture: All right. Get their clones.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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