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Memorable quotes for
"Undergrads" Risk (2001)

Jessie: How do you play?
Gimpy: Risk is a game of global domination. Roll your dice and move your armies. Whoever gets the highest dice roll wins. The loser loses an army.
Rocko: [Faster] Whoever gets the second dice roll wins and the loser loses and army.
Parker 'Nitz' Walsh: Draw a matched set of three Risk cards for additional armies.

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Cal: [playing Risk] Let's get it on bitch, I'm attacking you in, uh, in Chinatown.
Nitz: I don't *have* any armies in China, Cal. You're in China.
Cal: Oh, then I'm attacking myself in Chinatown.

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Parker 'Nitz' Walsh: 6 beats 4. Get the hell out of my country.
[Gimpy fumes]
Parker 'Nitz' Walsh: What's the matter young Gimpy? I'd thought you'd be used to losing by now.
Mump: [through microphone] Sir, take it easy. You wouldn't want to...
Gimpy: KAMMAKAZEE!
Mump, Nerd #2: NOOOOOOO!
Gimpy: KAMMA, KAMMAKAZEE! DIE NITZ! DIE! KAMMAKAZEE!
Jessie: You idiot! You're killing yourself too!
Parker 'Nitz' Walsh: We'll both be spread out so thin that the only person who could possibly win is...
[camers zooms to Cal who is drooling and hopelessly tangled in his sleeping bag with a bra on his head]
Cal: Hooray for me! I'm the Risk champion!
Nerd #2: [moaning] So close.

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Mark: Um, Kimmy. I enjoy sucking and blowing as much as the next guy, but wouldn't this be easier with a pump?
Kimmy: That's a fantastic idea, Mark. Take your shirt off.

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Gimpy: I would take Nitz's last man out and I'd win.
Mump: Please tell us sir in all of your years how many glorious victories did you obtain?
Gimpy: Well, I would always kamikaze against Nitz which resulted in my own demise and according to one of their stupid backwards little rule wiping out your own troops doesn't count as winning.
Nerd #2: Uh no sir that counts as losing.
Gimpy: [angry] Get him out of here. But that's all going to change and I'll do it with your help.

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Carson Daly: Why did Jennifer Love Hewitt dump me for that guy in LFO?

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Girl: Would Cal Evans, repeat Cal Evans please report to the lost-and-found for immediate SEX?

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Rocko: Let me just say that I am appalled at all of you. Doing community service goes against everything a fraternity stands for. In conclusion, eat me.

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Jessie: Maybe you should double your medication.
Kimmy: I'll put that on my to-do list.

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Nitz: Who are you talking to?
Gimpy: Um, myself. I'm a paranoid schizophrenic.
Nitz: I'm happy for the both of you.

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Rocko: Can I fiddle around with your toys and comic books and crap?
Gimpy: They are *not* toys. They're collectors items.
Rocko: What about this teddy bear?
Gimpy: That's Snookums.

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Rocko: Uh Gimpy. I think I just deleted your entire hard drive.
Gimpy: That's it Rocko. Don't touch another thing in this room.
[Rocko steps on Gimpy's Millenium Falcon]
Rocko: Uh-oh.

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