- [doorbell rings, Charlie walks down the stairs, rubbing his eyes]
- Charlie Harper: Two o'clock in the morning. This better be God!
- [he opens the door and sees that it's Prudence]
- Charlie Harper: Oh, God!
- Prudence: Hi, Alan. What kind of car do you drive?
- Alan Harper: Uh, uh, a Volvo station wagon.
- Prudence: [to Charlie] What do you got?
- Charlie Harper: [hurriedly] I got nothing. Not a damn thing!
- Jake Harper: [Jake enters] Hey, Prudence! I set up my X-box. You ready to play?
- Prudence: Sure!
- Berta: [from off screen] Get to work, Prudence!
- Prudence: Maybe later, handsome.
- [under her breath]
- Prudence: Stupid old woman.
- Jake Harper: Isn't she wonderful?
- Alan Harper: [simultaneously with Charlie] Dear God!
- Charlie Harper: [simultaneously with Alan] Oh, Hell!
- Berta: [speaking of her granddaughter, who is spending the day with her] She's playing with Jake.
- Alan Harper: Oh, good! A little playmate for Jake. That'll give him something to do for today.
- Charlie Harper: I just hope they're quiet, 'cause I've got a lot of work to do.
- Prudence: [entering, wearing a skimpy top and skimpier hip-hugger jean shorts] Nana, did you throw out my cigarettes again?
- Alan Harper: [simultaneously with Charlie] Dear God!
- Charlie Harper: [simultaneously with Alan] Oh, Hell!
- Prudence: [sunbathing, tries to hand Alan suntan lotion] Can you put some of this on my back?
- Alan Harper: No!
- Prudence: If you don't, I'll burn.
- Alan Harper: If I do, *I* will.