Dale Cooper:
Diane, it struck me again earlier this morning, there are two things that continue to trouble me. And I'm speaking now not only as an agent of the Bureau but also as a human being. What really went on between Marilyn Monroe and the Kennedys and who really pulled the trigger on JFK?
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper:
[
to the waitress who has just poured him a cup of coffee] Wait a minute, wait a minute.
[
he savors his first sip]
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper:
You know, this is - excuse me - a damn fine cup of coffee. I've had I can't tell you how many cups of coffee in my life and this, this is one of the best. Now I'd like two eggs over hard. I know, don't tell me, it's hard on the arteries, but old habits die hard, just about as hard as I want those eggs.
Jocelyn 'Josie' Packard:
On top of the morning to you, Pete.
Pete Martell:
Uh, no, Josie, the expression is "top of the morning." And it's just barely morning!
Benjamin Horne:
If you ever pull another stunt like that, you are going to be scrubbing bidets in a Bulgarian convent.
Audrey Horne:
[
mocking] Oh, Daddy, I'm so afraid.
Catherine Packard Martell:
You know what shenanigans are, don't you?
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper:
[
he enters sanding a handcarved wooden whistle] Hi, Mike, Bobby. Now before we get started, have you two fellas got your stories straight?
Bobby Briggs:
If we tell the truth we don't have to get our stories straight.
Mike 'Snake' Nelson:
Besides, the sheriff told us we're just in here for fighting and, uh, it was self-defense.
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper:
Right. Well, I guess you can go then.
Bobby Briggs:
Now?
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper:
Mm-hm.
[
as Mike and Bobby walk to the door, Cooper toots his whistle]
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper:
Oh, fellas, one more thing. Pray for the health and safety of James Hurley, because if anything happens to him, I'm coming for you.
[
Mike and Bobby leave]
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper:
Sheriff, what are you sitting around for? We've got places to go and people to see.
Sheriff Harry S. Truman:
You know, I think I'd better start studying medicine.
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper:
And why is that?
Sheriff Harry S. Truman:
Because I'm beginning to feel a bit like Dr. Watson.
Log Lady:
I heard you speaking about Laura Palmer?
Dale Cooper:
Yes?
Log Lady:
One day my log will have something to say about this. My log saw something that night.
Dale Cooper:
Really. What did it see?
Log Lady:
Ask it.
[
Cooper hesitates]
Log Lady:
I thought so.
[
walks away]
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper:
Harry, I really have to urinate.
Pete Martell:
[
Pouring coffee] Mr. Cooper, how do you take it?
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper:
Black as midnight on a moonless night.
Pete Martell:
Pretty black.
Pete Martell:
Fellas, don't drink that coffee! You'd never guess. There was a fish... in the percolator! Sorry...
Bobby Briggs:
[
on seeing James's motorcycle outside of Donna's house] That bastard!
Mike Nelson:
First your girlfriend, then mine.
Bobby Briggs:
[
putting a cigarette in his mouth] Too bad we can only kill him once.
Audrey Horne:
Do you like my ring?
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper:
Very nice.
Audrey Horne:
You know, sometimes I get so flushed, it's interesting. Do your palms ever itch?
Donna Hayward:
Mom, it's so strange. I know I should be sad, and I am, part of me is. But it's like... it's like I'm having the most beautiful dream... and the most terrible nightmare, all at once.
Dale Cooper:
Diane, never drink coffee that has been anywhere near a fish.
[
first lines]
Dale Cooper:
Diane, 6:18 AM, room 315, Great Northern Hotel here in Twin Peaks.
[
last lines]
Laura Palmer:
[
voice on a cassette tape] Remember me telling you about that mystery man? Well...
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