William Shakespeare: [In response to Julius Moomer being at a loss for words after discovering Williams Shakespeare has appeared] He speaks yet he says nothing. Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 2.
[Trumpets sound, this is a paraphrase as Romeo was the original speaker and used she instead of he]
Julius Moomer: I got me an idea Will. You don't mind if I call you Will, do you?
William Shakespeare: What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet;
[Trumpets sound, also from Romeo & Juliet Act 2, Scene 2, by Juliet, but not mentioned by Shakespeare]
Julius Moomer: You never heard of Ingrid Bergman?
Julius Moomer: Where ya been pal?... Never mind, don't tell me.
William Shakespeare: A comely woman I take it. One fairer than my love. The all seeing sun ne'er saw her match since first the world begun.
[Trumpets sound, from Romeo & Juliet, Act 1, Scene 2, by Romeo-not mentioned by Shakespeare]
Julius Moomer: [Julius Moomer has just finished doing the jig of joy] Smatter Will? You don't look so good?
William Shakespeare: Like a strutting player whose conceit lies in his hamstring.
William Shakespeare: That's from Troilus and Cressida, Act 1, Scene 3
William Shakespeare: I think I will take a walk now. I am that merry wanderer of the night.
William Shakespeare: A Midsummer's Night Dream, Act 2, Scene 1
William Shakespeare: To be or not to be Mr. Moomer, that...
[Trumpets begin to sound, but are cut short, as he appears to forget his line. He shrugs his shoulders and exits through the door. From Hamlet Act 3, Scene 1 by Hamlet-not mentioned by Shakespeare]
William Shakespeare: But she has the most definitive line of the play. In the epilogue, I took it from Twelfth Night.
[trumpets play during the following quote]
William Shakespeare: If music be the food of love, play on; Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, the appetite may sicken and so die.
[Act 1, Scene 1 by Duke Orsino-not mentioned by Shakespeare]
William Shakespeare: [after knocking out Rocky Rhodes] Blow, blow thou winter wind. Thou art not so unkind as man's ingratitude.
William Shakespeare: . That's from As You Like It, Act 2, Scene 7
Julius Moomer: Hey Will, Will. Will. Hey wait a minute, Will. Wait a minute. What you doing? You're gonna louse up the whole deal. What am I going to say to them in there? What am I gonna tell them?
William Shakespeare: Tell them simply that foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun. It shines everywhere.
William Shakespeare: Act 3, Scene 1, Twelfth Night.
Narrator: [Opening Narration] You've just witnessed opportunity, if not knocking, at least scratching plaintively on a closed door. Mr. Julius Moomer, a would-be writer who, if talent came twenty-five cents a pound, would be worth less than car fare. But, in a moment, Mr. Moomer, through the offices of some black magic, is about to embark on a brand-new career. And although he may never get a writing credit on the Twilight Zone, he's to become an integral character in it.
Narrator: [Closing Narration] Mr. Julius Moomer, a streetcar conductor with delusions of authorship. And if the tale just told seems a little tall, remember a thing called poetic license - and another thing called the Twilight Zone.