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(TV Series)

(2000)

Quotes

Erin Fitzpatrick: [calling 911] We're on I-5 being chased by a guy with a gun!

911 Operator: Where are you on I-5, ma'am?

Erin Fitzpatrick: Where are we on I-5?

Christopher Titus: Where? Between Mexico and Canada!

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Dave Scouvel: [being chased by a gun-toting motorist] Hey, hey! There's a hitchhiker up there! Well, he might have a gun!

Christopher Titus: [glaring, irked, at Dave] I know why Moe was always mad.

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[thinking they're going to die, voicing their regrets in life]

Tommy Shafter: I never got to sleep with Erin.

Christopher Titus: What?

Tommy Shafter: I have thoughts.

Christopher Titus: Should have taken that one to the grave! And I am SO telling your waitress!

Tommy Shafter: Oh, who cares? By now she thinks I'm a hermaphroditic drag queen in a bunny suit.

Erin Fitzpatrick: I never got to see Ireland.

Christopher Titus: Honey, you never got to see San Diego.

Erin Fitzpatrick: [dryly] That helps.

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Ken Titus: I already ate. You owe me forty bucks.

Christopher Titus: Uh, we were getting chased by a guy on the road with a gun.

Dave Scouvel: [overlapping with Titus] He had a gun, he shot at us.

Ken Titus: Come on, spare me the lame excuse. Just say you're sorry and park this piece of crap. Behind the restaurant! Where'd you get this, anyway? It looks like an old man's car. Jeez!

[Ken walks off, leaving Titus open-mouthed in shock]

Christopher Titus: [after pause] Dave, the cell phone is from both of us.

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Christopher Titus: [tailgating the motorist who cut in front of them] Hello, I am faster than you. Get out of the way, buttwad.

Erin Fitzpatrick: [mocking Christopher] "Get out of the way, buttwad."

Christopher Titus: Hey!

Erin Fitzpatrick: Not very attractive, is it? If I wanted to date a seventeen year old jerk, I would have dated you when you were seventeen.

Christopher Titus: Hey!

Erin Fitzpatrick: That's why I love you, honey. 'Cause you get it!

Christopher Titus: Wow, it took you, like, a minute and a half to throw that back in my face. Nice!

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Christopher Titus: [trying to distract Dave] Dave, cow.

Dave Scouvel: Where?

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Tommy Shafter: Dave, look! A cow.

Dave Scouvel: That doesn't work every time.

[Dave quickly looks out the car window]

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Erin Fitzpatrick: Dave, cow.

Dave Scouvel: You must think very little of me.

[Dave covers his face and covertly looks out the car window]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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