- Titus has to help Dave after he joins the Army to deal with a break-up.
- Titus is very protective of Dave.
Nancy dumps Dave and he wants to commit suicide. Titus tracks Dave down. Dave's suicide note said where and when he planned to die (At noon, and in the men's room at bus station). Titus is one hour late and finds Dave waiting for him there. Titus tells Dave that nobody is worth dying over, and nobody even liked Nancy.
Titus discovers something worse: Dave has enlisted in the Army. Dave was told that he might be shipped to Australia on the army surf team. He can kill other people and they will send him to college as well. A homeless keeps pestering Titus at the bus station and Titus is too busy with Dave to pay any attention. Titus says Dave can't take army discipline. Every morning he will be woken by a huge bully in a buzz cut, pointing fingers and yelling at Dave. The army will just chew him up and spit him out. Dave says that Titus has no faith in him. Tommy and Nancy arrive. Nancy explains that the "dear John" letter that he found in her lower undergarments drawer was not for Dave, but for her ex-boyfriend John. Dave and Nancy make up
Dave is ecstatic that Nancy is not breaking up with him, but now has signed up with the army. Dave begs Titus to help him get out of the army. Titus makes Dave get down on both knees and sing him the "Titus is great" song. Titus's plan is to tell the recruiting officer, what the army would be like, with Dave in it. Dave would probably surrender in his underpants and blow up the ammunition dump by accident and turn the keys on a nuclear device since he had 3 bad weeks in the army.
The recruiting officer won't let Dave run away nor would he allow Dave to reverse his enlistment. Titus tries to bribe him with $50, but no luck. Titus gets thrown out of the recruiting officer's cabin at the bus station. Tommy tries to argue with the recruiting officer, but the officer tries to recruit Tommy instead. Titus calls in Ken. Ken thanks for recruiting officer for enlisting Dave as the Army would teach him responsibility and discipline. Ken also gives Dave the compass that his father gave him when he enlisted (or as Titus calls it "Poppy's magic path finder"). Ken tells Dave that he is almost like a son to him.
Erin wants Titus's opinion on bridesmaid's dresses, and he makes her bring the dresses to the bus station. Dave has 10 minutes to say his goodbyes. Ken leaves since he is not good with farewells. Erin also believes that joining the army is good for Dave. With no other option and a few minutes left, Titus gives Dave a joint to smoke (because any applicant found positive on illegal substances would be discharged on the spot). Titus has to buy the joint from the homeless man for $200, since the bus has 2 minutes to leave. Dave is thrown off the bus and has to walk home from Oklahoma.
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