- Dr. Prescott: BARK! B, be somebody. A, act like somebody. R, react like somebody. K, collect your rewards!
- Jack Tripper: Don't "collect" begin with a C?
- Dr. Prescott: Yes, Tripper, but then that would spell "BARC".
- Janet Wood: I'm telling you, we can't get Mr. Furley to do anything. Jack asked him to paint the kitchen cabinet, and he said no.
- Chrissy Snow: Jack had to do it himself.
- Janet Wood: Yeah.
- Lana Shields: Oh, it must be so nice to have a man around the house.
- Janet Wood: Well, you ought to know, you were married three times.
- Lana Shields: I had three men around the house.
- [chuckles]
- Lana Shields: They were also around my neighbor's house, my girlfriend's house... my secretary's house...
- Chrissy Snow: [brightly] They were really helpful, weren't they?
- Janet Wood: Chrissy... I - I don't think they were painting any kitchen cabinets.
- Chrissy Snow: [as what was meant finally dawns upon her, her eyes widen] How *awful*! Ugh, men! No wonder you gave up marriage and went into business!
- Janet Wood: Chrissy...!
- Lana Shields: Men can give you heartaches in business too. You know, when I first became an executive, they didn't even give me a secretary.
- Janet Wood: No kidding, how come?
- Lana Shields: Because I'm a woman, they expected me to do my own typing.
- Chrissy Snow: They didn't give me a secretary either.
- Janet Wood: You *are* a secretary.
- Chrissy Snow: I know.
- Janet Wood: [doorbell rings] Excuse me.
- Chrissy Snow: [to Lana] I still had to do my own typing.
- [nods]
- Lana Shields: [as Mr. Furley enters] Just the man who I wanted to see.
- Ralph Furley: Well, feast your eyes, Lana, but try to control yourself in front of the children.
- Lana Shields: [pays all of that no heed] I want my apartment repainted.
- Ralph Furley: Well now, that's not up to me. I'll have to ask my brother, he's the owner, I'm just the manager.
- Lana Shields: And I would also like shelves put up in my closet.
- Ralph Furley: Ugh. Look, after that *last* job I did for you, my brother warned me about spending too much money. I'm liable to get fired here.
- Lana Shields: And I'd like it all done by Friday.
- [turns to leave]
- Lana Shields: Bye-bye, girls.
- Chrissy Snow, Janet Wood: Goodbye, Lana!
- Ralph Furley: But, Lana, I...
- [realizes she's left]
- Ralph Furley: I'm not gonna do it!
- Lana Shields: [pops back in] Make that Thursday!
- [pops back out]
- Ralph Furley: Thursday, right!
- [as the door slams, he covers his face with his hands]
- Ralph Furley: Why can't I learn to say no?
- Chrissy Snow: You say no to Jack!
- Ralph Furley: You're darn right I do! Where is he? He left this bill for some paint inside my mailbox.
- Chrissy Snow: Oh, what color did you paint the inside of your mailbox?
- Ralph Furley: I did not paint the inside of my mailbox.
- Chrissy Snow: Oh, we'll be glad to lend you some of our paint we have left over from the kitchen cabinet.
- Ralph Furley: [gives up on that, turns to Janet] Can I talk to you for a minute?
- Janet Wood: [nods] Sure.
- Ralph Furley: This was inside my mailbox.
- Janet Wood: I hope it didn't get paint all over it.
- Ralph Furley: There isn't any paint in my mailbox! I don't know what you're talking about!
- Janet Wood: [front door opens] Oh, Jack! Jack, come here! Mr. Furley's got a problem!
- Jack Tripper: I don't wanna hear any problems. I've got enough of my own.
- Janet Wood: What's wrong?
- Jack Tripper: Travis wants me to cook for a dinner party he's having for free!
- Chrissy Snow: Why didn't you tell him you couldn't make it?
- Jack Tripper: Oh, I tried, Chrissy, but he's one of those people who sound so positive. You know, he's a real authority figure, and that always wipes me out.
- Ralph Furley: Sounds like my brother Bart, the big dictator!
- Janet Wood: Poor Jack, you have got to learn how to say no!
- Jack Tripper: Yeah, who teaches that?
- Chrissy Snow: My mother. On my first date, she really showed me how to say no.
- Jack Tripper: How?
- Chrissy Snow: She went along with me.
- Janet Wood: [to Jack] You know what? It sounds to me like you need Dr. Prescott.
- Jack Tripper: Who's he?
- Chrissy Snow: Oh, he's a psychologist. He's an expert on assertiveness training.
- [nods]
- Chrissy Snow: He wrote that book Yes Is A Four-Letter Word.
- Jack Tripper: No, I don't think a book will help me.
- Chrissy Snow: Well, if you don't agree with someone, you can just hit him over the head with it.
- Jack Tripper: Chrissy...
- Chrissy Snow: Especially if it's a heavy subject.
- Ralph Furley: I gotta be going, so would you please explain this bill for the paint?
- [hands it over to Jack]
- Chrissy Snow: Yeah, somebody painted the inside of his mailbox, and he wants us to pay for it!
- Ralph Furley: [yells] Will you forget about my mailbox? Let's just say I found the bill for the paint under my door!
- Chrissy Snow: Oh, what color did you paint under your door?
- Ralph Furley: [exasperated] I didnt paint...! What are you even talking about?
- [to Jack:]
- Ralph Furley: I'm not paying for any paint you use in the kitchen!
- Jack Tripper: Well, neither am I!
- Ralph Furley: Oh, yes, you are!
- Jack Tripper: Look, Mr. Furley, why can't we...
- Ralph Furley: The answer is *no!*
- [storms towards door, muttering to himself:]
- Ralph Furley: Why can't I be that way with my brother and Lana?