Sgt. Patricia Dawkins: If you hurt him, I'll shove that gun so far down your throat, you'll be blowing bullets out your backside!
Det. Insp. Derek Grim: A real, live, ARMED bank robbery? God, I'm so happy, I could cry!
Insp. Raymond C. Fowler: I weep for our country, I really do. Did you know 12 year olds in Holland and Belgium can already speak fluent English?
Const. Kevin Goody: They're no cleverer than British children, Sir! My niece is only 10, and she can speak fluent English.
Insp. Raymond C. Fowler: Your head is just something you keep your hat on, isn't it?
Sgt. Patricia Dawkins: You're a bloody idiot! You know that, don't you? A bloody idiot!
Insp. Raymond C. Fowler: Please, Sgt Dawkins, we are on duty. I'm not an idiot, I am your commanding officer. I'm only an idiot between 1 o'clock and 2 o'clock, after 6:30 and at weekends!
Sgt. Patricia Dawkins: Well, I'm not on duty, so you are! An idiot, a pompous twit and a pain in the backside!
Det. Insp. Derek Grim: All I know is, if it is genuine, my arse will be on the line and I don't want a cock-up!
Det. Insp. Derek Grim: Crockett, I need profiles on all known terrorists in the South-East. Kray, phone the Home Office! Phone the Armed Response Unit! Get me a tea, milk, four sugars!
DC Robert Kray: In what order, Sir?
Det. Insp. Derek Grim: Blimey, Kray! Where were you dragged up? Milk in first, tea next, sugar after.
Const. Kevin Goody: Is this one of those brain-teasers, Sir, where Cleopatra turns out to be a goldfish?
Det. Insp. Derek Grim: [looking through the pile of criminal files] Juvenile! Juvenile! Juvenile!
D.C. Crockett: More juvenile, Sir!
Det. Insp. Derek Grim: Just once in a while I'd like to nick someone whose balls have dropped!
Const. Maggie Habib: Morning Pat. You alright?
Sgt. Patricia Dawkins: Ooh, it's Raymond, he's getting worse. Do you know, last week I found him in bed with a model?
Const. Maggie Habib: No!
Sgt. Patricia Dawkins: We've still got bits of balsa wood stuck to the duvet.
Insp. Raymond C. Fowler: [after being reminded about going to to the bank] No I won't forget, Patricia. Of course it would be easier to go now, and for that very reason the bank is closed, it being a basic principle of British banking that the customer is to be avoided at all costs.