Ricky: Why do you want a career at Fatso Burger?
Eric: I think it will be a wonderful experience.
Michael Kelso: My girlfriend's dad owns it.
Fez: I love the uniforms.
Steven Hyde: To unionize the workers, man.
Ricky: What do you consider to be your best quality?
Eric: I'm a real people person.
Steven Hyde: I don't answer stupid questions.
Fez: I speak Dutch.
Michael Kelso: My eyes. Oh and I guess my butt too.
Ricky: Name something about yourself that is a weakness.
Eric: I allow people to boss me around.
Fez: I love chocolate.
Steven Hyde: I'm brutally honest. Pinhead.
Michael Kelso: Um...
[falls backwards on chair]
Ricky: Where do you see yourself in five years?
Eric: Fatso Burger.
Fez: Covered in gold chains.
Michael Kelso: Rock star. No, movie star. No, yeah rock star.
Steven Hyde: Prison.
Eric: Hey would you guys respect me if I got a job at the town dump?
Donna Pinciotti: Town dump no? State dump? why are you getting a job anyway?
Eric: Everything costs money, gas, clothes, fun
Michael Kelso: Dates, dates cost money
Fez: No Kelso that is prostitution
Steven Hyde: Dates are prostitution man , except you don't always get what you paid for
Donna Pinciotti: Says the man who's never had a girlfriend
Steven Hyde: Hey you guys remember Andra the biker chick?
Eric: Whatever happened to her?
Steven Hyde: [proud] She's dating my uncle
Jackie Burkhart: I just want to listen to the guitar solo one more time.
Steven Hyde: Not again put the headphones on
[Jackie holds up the cord and plugs it in then puts on the headphones]
Steven Hyde: Now wrap it around your neck.
Jackie Burkhart: Wait so your parents are going to be out of town?
Donna Pinciotti: Yeah it's just going to be me alone Saturday, well I'm babysitting my sister Tina; I'll watch some TV, maybe order a pizza
Michael Kelso: Let's have a party, a toga party
Jackie Burkhart: Michael maybe she doesn't want to have a party, maybe she wants to be alone
Donna Pinciotti: Well it'd just be me but if someone happens to come by, that'll be cool
Michael Kelso: Party at Donna's
Fez: Donna I've never been to an American party, may I come?
Donna Pinciotti: I don't care, so Eric will you be there?
[not looking up from the newspaper]
Eric: Yeah, sure
Jackie Burkhart: [Donna leaves the basement and Jackie smacks Eric and Kelso across the back of the head] You are both so stupid
Steven Hyde: That's a first, I actually agree with Jackie
Steven Hyde: she totally put on a full court press man and you dropped the ball
Eric: What are you talking about, all she said was she's going to be alone Saturday, order a pizza, oh my God, I'm so stupid
Steven Hyde: So big party?
Donna Pinciotti: [sarcastically] Whoopee
Steven Hyde: I can't believe Forman missed all those signals
Donna Pinciotti: What signals?
Steven Hyde: [in a girly voice] Oh poor me, all alone in my big house, just me in my nightie, if only some scrawny little neighbor boy would come over
Donna Pinciotti: He's not scrawny, why am I even talking to you about this?
Steven Hyde: Because I'm all you've got
Donna Pinciotti: [lying down on the couch embarrassed] So everyone knows! All I wanted was some time alone with him
Steven Hyde: And how does that make you feel?
Donna Pinciotti: Frustrated, its frustrating as hell
Steven Hyde: Do you have trouble sleeping at night?
Donna Pinciotti: Yeah, Sometimes
Steven Hyde: Do you think you'd sleep easier if you had a scrawny little neighbour boy next to you?
Steven Hyde: Hello my minimum wage friend, I demand service
Eric: Welcome to fatso burger, how may I serve you?
Steven Hyde: That is so sad man
Michael Kelso: Jackie I've been racking my brain trying to thinking of why this guy didn't hire me
Jackie Burkhart: Michael I'm so sick of hearing this, you've still got me
Michael Kelso: I'm good looking and he's jealous, this body's a curse!
Jackie Burkhart: If you worked you wouldn't be able to see me whenever I wanted lover
Fez: Please stop touching, it gives me needs
Donna Pinciotti: Hey Fez
Fez: Hello Donna, now tell me which one of these ladies is easy?
Tina Pinciotti: Donna your creepy friends are playing with Dad's stereo
Fez: [to unseen characters] Guys you can't go in the house
Donna Pinciotti: [to Tina] Hello pretty lady with the eyes like the sea
Tina Pinciotti: Hi
Steven Hyde: She's not a pretty lady, she's my sister and she's 14
Fez: You know in my country
Steven Hyde: It's illegal here
[Practicing for a job interview]
Reginald "Red" Forman: Stand up straight
Eric: [shaking his hand] Hello I'm Eric Forman
Reginald "Red" Forman: Not loose, firm, not sloppy like a fish, try it again
Eric: [shaking his hand] Hello I'm Eric Forman
Reginald "Red" Forman: Bend into it
Eric: Stand up straight and hold a fish
Reginald "Red" Forman: Don't be a smart mouth
[shaking his hand]
Eric: hello I'm Eric Forman
Reginald "Red" Forman: And?
Eric: Eric; And?
Kitty Forman: Maybe you could mention your Junior achievement experience
Reginald "Red" Forman: Kitty they could give a rat's ass about that
Kitty Forman: Maybe your honorable mention for the science award
Reginald "Red" Forman: Kitty?
Kitty Forman: Right rat's ass
Reginald "Red" Forman: Don't slouch
Eric: Wouldn't that go under the stand up straight category?
Reginald "Red" Forman: See that's a smart mouth comment; you're fired Mr Smart mouth! That's how that works
Eric: Dad I'm quitting my job
Reginald "Red" Forman: You're quitting?
Eric: I'm quitting, I'm a quitter and I coldn't hit a cow over the head with a hammer
Reginald "Red" Forman: Everybody quits their first job, it's no big deal
Eric: I gotta say I'm a little disappointed Dad
Reginald "Red" Forman: It wasn't a man's job anyway
Kitty Forman: Red
Reginald "Red" Forman: Come on Kitty it wasn't a man's job, it was a hairnet, name tag, nothing kind of a job
Eric: Well I'm quitting
Reginald "Red" Forman: It's a good thing too, it was cutting into your chores, you did a half assed job on that driveway
Kitty Forman: I think he did a wonderful job
Reginald "Red" Forman: [not looking up from his newspaper] Didn't look wonderful to me
Kitty Forman: [standing up] Sweep it yourself then