- Crypt Keeper: Ah, there you are! You're just in time! I'm trying a few new recipes from my new Betty Croaker's cookbook. I hope you like shish-ka-bob... damn! It isn't ready yet! Bob's still moving!
- [laughs maniacally]
- Crypt Keeper: Tonight's foul feast will begin with mashed potatoes, then onto some shrieking duck and finished with a nice kill-basa. I call this tasty tidbit, Mournin' Mess.
- Elaine: Well, maybe you should buy an alcohol-powered generator, that way you could urinate into it every morning and have enough electricity for the whole day.
- Dale Sweeney: I need an assignment, Tillman.
- Elaine: You must be joking. I'm gonna have to hire somebody to come in and clean up the mess you made just walking in here.
- Dale Sweeney: You sure you don't want a bite?
- [offers his burger to Jess]
- Jess: I don't eat meat.
- Dale Sweeney: Oh god, you're not one of those, are you?
- Jess: Not exactly...
- Dale Sweeney: Oh God, Climsky?
- Climsky: Don't mind me, Sweeney. I just stopped in for a scoop. I'm not really hungry. I'll just pick.
- Dale Sweeney: Jess, Jess!
- Jess: I know... I said I don't eat meat. I lied.
- Dale Sweeney: Help me, help me!
- Jess: If you don't mind, I think I'll just help myself. Mmm. I knew you were good enough to eat!
- Copard: Good evening, Mr. Sweeney. Nice of you to drop by for dinner.
- Dale Sweeney: Who the hell are you people?
- Copard: Well, that depends. 'Til recently we were known as the infamous homeless killer. But now you may refer to us as the Grateful Homeless Outcasts and Unwanted Layaway Society.
- Dale Sweeney: Ghouls?
- Copard: It's been so long since we've had fresh meat...
- Robert: I need you to write an article.
- Dale Sweeney: What about?
- Robert: I ain't no killer! The only thing I am is hard up.
- Dale Sweeney: If you're not the killer, then who is?
- Robert: Ah, if I told you what's goin' on you'd think I had a kink in my slinky. Tomorrow they're having their first planting at the Grateful Homeless cemetery.
- Dale Sweeney: Cemetery?
- Robert: Go there. Hang out 'til sunset. You'll see... do it and I'll spill the rest like a fuckin' floodgate. I'll even throw in a few names!
- Elaine: I'm not gonna play this crap-game with you anymore. Will Sweeney show up, or is he too busy getting his oil changed?
- Crypt Keeper: Mmm... pretty tasteless, wouldn't you say? I guess in the end Mr. Sweeney learned not to go *digging* in other people's business. Although you'll be happy to hear that he's found himself a new career... as a ghostwriter!
- [laughs maniacally]
- Crypt Keeper: So, still hungry for dessert? I hope you like cannibal soup... it's mmm-mmm good!
- [laughs maniacally]