Chris Evans: Self - Presenter

Quotes 

• Adam Clayton : [discussing false names they use at hotels]  I am Mr. C.

  Host : All right. And Larry?

  Bono : You were a posh Irish supermodel for a while. I remember that.

  Larry Mullen Jr. : Oh yeah...

  Bono : Michelle Rocker.

  The Edge : What? *You* were Michelle Rocker!

  Bono : I was not! I was Alison Doody!

  The Edge : I was Alison Doody!

  Adam Clayton : I was Alison Doody!

  Bono : Everyone wants to be Alison Doody *now*!

• Bono : Have I ever dreamt I murdered anyone?

  Host : Anxiety, it's called.

  Bono : Is that what it is?

  Host : Yeah.

  Bono : No, never. I've dreamt a few times that I've been murdered. And most of them spoke with English accents. All right? And worked in the print media.

• Host : Finish this sentence! Adam, U2's new album sounds like...

  Adam Clayton : Garbage?

  [everyone laughs, including the crew. Bono is upset] 

  Host : You shouldn't have said that, man.

  Bono : It's his album! That's the sad... Can I just say something? You... that's... sad! That's sad! Cause you're on it on this one! You go and trash the one record where you're really happening! OK...

• Host : You know when you were little? When you were ickle? When you started together, right? Was it a bedroom, garage? Where did it start? Where did you start actually strumming those tunes?

  Bono : I'm still ickle.

  Host : I know you're still ickle.

  Bono : The stage is but a platform shoe, Chris.

  Host : But where was the first platform shoe?

  Bono : Larry's kitchen. Fifteen or sixteen years ickle.

  Host : Ok, so from Larry's kitchen to here tonight, what happened in between?

  Bono : Megalomania. No. Actually, no. Grace, good fortune, blessings. Lots of things. We're just very, very lucky that we were mates before we were in a band and that we were in a band before we could play. You know what I mean? That was that whole punk thing. We actually joined a band before we could play. What makes a great rock and roll band is something not about just music. It's all kinds of things. And the fact that we're all four equal people.

• Host : The last song of your last concert ever. What would your last song be?

  Bono : Amazing Grace.

  Host : Honest?

  Bono : Yeah.

  Host : Why?

  Bono : It's a sound. Grace, how sweet the *sound*? I've never figured that out. Think about it.

• Host : Who's going to live longest out of the four of you?

  Larry Mullen Jr. : Why are you looking at me like that?

  Bono : It's obvious. It's Dorian Gray over here. You know what I mean? There's a really ugly oil painting somewhere. But can I just say one thing? It's not that he's going to live longer. It's just going to *feel* longer.

• Host : Larry, can you have anything you ask for?

  Larry Mullen Jr. : Yes!

• Host : Did you enjoy it more tonight than last night?

  Bono : Edge played a stonker last night. Adam was great tonight.

  Host : How do you know? How do you make the differentiation? How do you know that he had a blinder and he had a stonker? Poor Larry, you're not going to mention him by the way?

  Larry Mullen Jr. : No. Story of my life.

  Bono : Larry was consistent...

• Bono : Chris, a gift for you.

  [holds up a goldfish swimming in a plastic bag] 

  Bono : A goldfish. It's Ickle Bono. If you're anything, you'll find a way of taking that home

  [to England] 

  Bono : .

  Host : I know exactly how to do it. I'll get Will to swallow it.