- Sir Walter Pistol: I've travelled to the other ends of the earth and back, seen wondrous sights fit to make a man's eyeballs leap from their sockets in rapture and delight, but never seen a vision more lovely than that of your own fair face.
- Queen Elizabeth: Double helpings of yuck with a stonking great topping of blurghh!
- Sir Walter Pistol: Pardon?
- Queen Elizabeth: Cut the sucky stuff Pistol, just make with the pressies.
- Queen Elizabeth: Odds Bodkin, who might you be?
- T. Shirt: I might be King Zog of Albania, but I'm not. Sir Thomas Shirt, at your service, ma'am.
- T. Bag: [dressed as a jester] You'll love this one, this is a cracker. They're were burying this mad young Queen. Right, and all of a sudden the coffin falls off the back of the cart and rolls straight the way down the hill, along the lane, straight into the chemist shop, as it's passing through the lid flies off, the corpse sits up and shout's out 'have you got something to stop this coffin?'
- [laughs]
- T. Bag: Ah, you've got to laugh, haven't you?
- Queen Elizabeth: I don't like all this gloomy old talk about death and funerals and stuff.