[Esteban, London, Maddie, Zack, and Cody are seated around a table, trying to summon a ghost]
Esteban: [chanting] Ghostie...
Esteban: if I may call you that...
Esteban: ...speak to us.
Maddie Fitzpatrick: You are...
Esteban: Maddie is channeling the spirit.
Maddie Fitzpatrick: ...dopes!
Maddie Fitzpatrick: You guys are so gullible!
Zack Martin: Arwin, why are you wearing a welding mask?
Arwin: It gives me an air of mystery.
[He puts the mask over his face]
Arwin: [In a Darth Vader voice] The force is strong with this one.
Cody Martin: London, save me!
[he jumps towards her arms and falls to the floor]
Esteban: We're going to call the spirit.
[lights the candle, but it lights itself]
Esteban: Apparently, the spirit's calling us. Now everybody, join hands.
[all except Esteban hold their own hands]
Esteban: I meant with each other. Be very calm, but relaxed.
Esteban: Ghostie, if I may call you that, speak to us.
Maddie Fitzpatrick: You are...
Esteban: Maddie's channeling the spirit.
Maddie Fitzpatrick: dooopes!
Maddie Fitzpatrick: Hahaha! You guys are so gullible! I can't believe you fell for that.
Esteban: This beliver should be punished.
Maddie Fitzpatrick: [saying sarcastically] Oooo, I'm so scared!
[table shakes and Maddie whimpers]
Maddie Fitzpatrick: I'm so scared!
Cody Martin: [table rises] Either the table's getting higher, or the floor's getting lower.
Esteban: [hums La Cucaracha] Hmmmm, hmmmmmmm, hmmm, hmmmmm.
London Tipton: What are you doing?
Esteban: The spirit has me on hold.
[suddenly gets "posessed"]
[makes a scary face and turns to London and Cody and talks in s girlish voice]
Esteban: She's here!
Esteban: Oh, hola ghostie!
[makes another face and turns to Maddie and Zack]
Esteban: [in the voice of Irene] Who dares to call me in the afterlife?
Cody Martin: [to Zack] It's for you.
Zack Martin: Are you the ghost of Irene?
Esteban: [in Irene's voice] Yeeess, my husband left me, so I'm angry. Now, my spirit is doomed to languish for all eternity!
London Tipton: Does somebody smell...
London Tipton: pizza?
Esteban: [in Irene's voice] Arrrhhhh, don't ever say that word!
Maddie Fitzpatrick: I love pizza. What are you gonna do about it?
[Esteban makes an evil face]
Maddie Fitzpatrick: Aaaahhhh!
[Maddie disappears ino the wall]
Zack Martin: Maddie, no!
London Tipton: Irene, I hate to be a bit of a nudge, but uh, can I have my money back?
Esteban: [in Irene's voice] You will be silent!
London Tipton: Ok, nevermind.
Cody Martin: I-I hate pizza!
[gasps when Blankie floats away]
Cody Martin: Blankie, no!
[disppears into the wall while chasing Blankie]
Zack Martin: Cody? Buddie? Oh, no. Mom's not gonna like this.
London Tipton: So, about that thousand dollars...
[disappears into another wall]
London Tipton: I'll take a chance!
Zack Martin: Esteban, hang up on her!
Esteban: Esteban's gone. Say Aios amigos! Ayayayayayayay!
[dissapears from his seat]
Carey: Cody, when I left, there was a floor under this mess. I'd lilke it back. Could you clean up?
Cody Martin: Pshhh, next, she'll be telling me to take a bath.
[Zack grabs Cody's arm]
Cody Martin: Aaaahhh!
Zack Martin: [comes out of the mess] Hahaha! Got cha!
Cody Martin: No, got you!
[pins Zack to the ground]
Carey: Cody, why are you wiping the floor with your brother's face? Well, if it gets the stain out.
Cody Martin: Mom, Zack scared me again.
Carey: Zack, you know Cody's...
Carey: sensative. Why do you do it?
Zack Martin: 'Cause it's my job.
Carey: Well, you're fired. Clean up.
Zack Martin: You should've seen your face! Oh, I can show it to you.
Cody Martin: It's the ghost! And it's coming this way!
London Tipton: And it's holding a club!
Cody Martin: Now it's eating the club!
Arwin: It's not a club, it's a sub. Meatball marinara. Want a bite?
London Tipton: Aaaaahhhh!
Maddie Fitzpatrick: What's wrong with a guy eating sub?
London Tipton: The guy who's eating the sub. No offense, but I always thought you were kind of creepy.
Arwin: None taken. Everybody says that, including mother.
Arwin: Now, I have something scarier to deal with. The toilet in 620.
[Maddie, London, Zack, and Cody all gasp ans Arwin puts the mask back on and bumps into the elevator]
Arwin: Comin' mother!
Arwin: No, because mother's a bingo and I don't have to be home till 10! Ha!
Female Customer: This hotel has a ghost?
Mr. Moseby: Of course not.
[to Zack & Cody]
Mr. Moseby: Now tell the nice lady you were just *pretending!*
Cody Martin: Yeah. There's no ghost.
Female Customer: Oh, that's too bad. Because a lot of people would pay extra to stay in a haunted room.
Mr. Moseby: Oh, you mean no ghost in the hallway. However, the room is lousy with them. The rest of the hotel is haunted by *these two.*
Muriel: Her name was Irene and she was beautiful!
London Tipton: Oo, just think me, but not as rich, or pretty, and dead.
Muriel: Anyways, in 1940, Irene and her husband checked in to this hotel, but he left.
Zack Martin: What happened?
London Tipton: He went off to war. She waited 3 years, but he never came back.
Zack Martin: So, he died in battle?
London Tipton: No, he...
[Muriel stuffs the feather duster in London's mouth]
Muriel: He mat some Italian babe and opened up a pizza parlor in Naples.
London Tipton: [spits out feathers] She got so mad, she threw the silver brush he had given her at the mirror.
Muriel: The mirror shattered into a million pieces and a chard flew out, and that was the end of that. Ccccccrrrrrrr!
[putting her finger across her throat]
Muriel: Good luck.