- [Albert is trying to get seats for Nudes of 1964, very much against Harold's wishes]
- Harold Steptoe: We're going to see Fellini's 8 and 1/2!
- Albert: [pointing at a girl in the Nudes of 1964 poster] I'd rather see her forty-eight and a half.
- [Albert has been talking all through the film, and the man behind him can finally take no more]
- Threatening Cinemagoer: I'm a very peaceful man, but I warn you - if I hear another word of you I shall stuff that ice cream right down the back of your dirty little neck!