Star Trek: Voyager (TV Series)

Live Fast and Prosper (2000)

Robert Duncan McNeill: Ensign Tom Paris

Quotes 

• Tom Paris : Why didn't we see this coming?

  Neelix : Orphans! It's the oldest gambit in the book!

  Tom Paris : I-I mean, if it'd been Harry, I could understand it, he trusts everybody; but you and me?

• Harry Kim : Tuvok, we saved you a seat.

  [Tuvok hesitates] 

  Tom Paris : What's wrong?

  Tuvok : Someone has altered one of my holodeck programs... again.

  Tom Paris : Hm. Are you sure it isn't just one of these malfunctions?

  Harry Kim : Everything on the ship's been affected, including the holodecks.

  Tuvok : The Oracle of K'Tal isn't programmed to wear pajamas.

  Tom Paris : Well, maybe he overslept.

  Tuvok : I am not amused by your practical jokes, Mr. Paris.

  Tom Paris : Ha! Why do you always think it's me?

  Tuvok : Mr. Kim?

  Harry Kim : Mm, I'd like to claim credit, but I'm innocent.

  Tuvok : The next time I visit the holodeck, I expect to find my program restored to its original parameters.

  Tom Paris : I'm telling you, Tuvok, we didn't do it.

  Harry Kim : [waits until Tuvok is out of earshot]  I wonder how the Oracle would look in a sombrero.

• [Neelix and Paris have set up a shell game to fool the Doctor] 

  The Doctor : This looks like an interesting game. May I have a turn?

  Tom Paris : Well, be my guest, but, um... you'll have to wager something.

  The Doctor : [to Neelix]  If I win, you take three duty shifts in sickbay.

  Neelix : And if I win, you take three shifts in the kitchen.

  The Doctor : Done.

  Neelix : Ready?

  [he resets the game and begins shuffling the cups] 

  Neelix : Now, watch carefully. Round and round they go. Follow the tera nut if you can, but be careful, the hand is faster than the eye.

  Tom Paris : Careful, Doc, try not to blink.

  The Doctor : Don't you worry, Mr. Paris. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool my optical subroutines.

  [Neelix finishes shuffling] 

  Neelix : Where is it, then?

  The Doctor : In your left palm.

  [and to the other gamblers' great bafflement, he turns Neelix's left hand around, which indeed contains the nut] 

  Tom Paris : How did you...?

  The Doctor : Superior visual acuity. See you in sickbay.

• [last lines] 

  Neelix : [shuffling the cups]  Round and round they go. Follow the tera nut if you can, but remember, the hand is sharper than your visual acuity.

  The Doctor : I thought we'd already disproved that theory.

  Neelix : You tell me.

  The Doctor : [sighs]  The tera nut is firmly entrenched up your right sleeve.

  [Paris laughs triumphantly, and Neelix shows the Doctor his empty sleeve] 

  Neelix : [sneering]  Sorry.

  [the Doctor inspects it, then turns up all the cups, yet doesn't find the nut] 

  The Doctor : [baffled]  That's impossible.

  Tom Paris : The old handoff.

  [and from behind The Doctor's ear, he conjures - the nut] 

  Neelix : Ooo.

  The Doctor : That's cheating!

  [leaves angrily] 

  Neelix : [to Paris]  We've still got it.

• Tom Paris : I tell you, Neelix, when I first joined Starfleet, I knew it was gonna be one glamorous adventure after another, but I never dreamed that I'd have the opportunity to go on a mold-hunting expedition.