- Captain Sisko: A Dominion invasion of Ferenginar?
- Rom: Think of the terrible repercussions to the Alpha Quadrant!
- Lt. Commander Worf: I cannot think of any.
- [Grand Nagus Zek has given Ferengi females the right to wear clothes and make their own business]
- Ishka: I predict that one day, a female will enter the Tower of Commerce, climb the forty flights of stairs to the Chamber of Opportunity, and take her rightful place as Grand Nagus of the Ferengi Alliance.
- [Zek looks at Quark, flabbergasted]
- Quark: Don't look at me. It was your amendment.
- Quark: [as Lumba] "Drink Slug-o-Cola, and keep your teeth that lovely shade of green."
- [Lumba's suggestion for a slogan for Nilva's drink]
- [Zek has given Quark the "good news" that Ferengi females are allowed to wear clothes and make profit]
- Quark: Better tell me the bad news. It might cheer me up.
- Quark: [as Lumba] Stay away! Stay away, stay away.
- Nilva: [Chairman of the Slug-o-Cola company] Ha! Marry me!
- Quark: I don't think your wife would approve.
- Nilva: Who cares? She hasn't touched my lobes in months.
- Quark: I can tell.
- Nilva: Oh, I need you.
- Quark: What you need is a cold shower!
- Nilva: What a good idea! Why, you can scrub my back.
- Quark: What if...
- Nilva: Yes?
- Quark: I told you...
- Nilva: Yes?
- Quark: I hate Slug-o-Cola?
- Nilva: Oh, so do I!
- Odo: I'm glad you had a pleasant evening.
- Quark: You're mocking me, aren't you?
- Odo: And you're being a little overly sensitive.
- Quark: I've only been a male again for six hours. My hormones must still be out of balance.
- [voice strating to crack with emotion]
- Quark: My emotions are raging out of control.
- Odo: Is there anything I can do?
- Quark: [gasping; about to cry] Would you m-mind... Giving me... A-A hug?
- Odo: A hug?
- Quark: Just a small one.
- [With a sigh, Odo nods his approval]
- Quark: Thank you!
- [They hug. Quark sobs as he embraces Odo. Morn and Ferengi waiter look on surprised. Odo has a surprised yet pained look on his face. He awkwardly pats the crying Quark on the back]
- Zek: [Entering, as Quark and Odo let go of the embrace] I hope we're not interrupting anything.
- Odo: I better be off.
- [He exits quickly]
- Ishka: I'm glad we have Nilva on our side, and we have you to thank for that, Quark.
- Quark: [teary-eyed] Will you ever forgive me, Moogie?
- Ishka: Of course I do. You may be a lousy son, but you made a wonderful daughter.
- [Quark giggles bashfully]
- Ishka: I hope the experience taught you something.
- Quark: It made me more compassionate, more empathetic, more nurturing. I feel like I'm trapped in my worst nightmare.
- Zek: Don't worry. I'm sure it won't last. You'll be back to your old self in no time.
- [Last Lines]
- Aluura: [Alurra, the waitress Quark sexually harrassed in the beginning appears with a PADD in her hand] Quark?
- Quark: Aluura.
- Aluura: [referring to the PADD in her hand] I read the book.
- Quark: What book?
- Aluura: You know, "Oomox for fun and...
- Quark: [takes the book from her and throws it away] You shouldn't be wasting your time reading that kind of trash!
- Aluura: [genuinely surprised] But you told me to.
- Quark: [firmly] *Forget what I said. It was wrong, and I apologize.*
- [gently]
- Quark: You are a wonderful employee, and I'm lucky to have you working for me. In fact, as of today, I'm giving you a raise. Another two slips of latinum a week.
- Aluura: Really?
- Quark: It's the least I can do.
- [Alurra is at first elated by the news, but then her face falls]
- Aluura: That's too bad.
- Quark: [thinking she is talking about the raise] All right, make it three.
- Aluura: No, it's not that.
- Quark: Then what?
- Aluura: It's just that... Oo-mox sounded like fun.
- [as she speaks Quark shakes his head and makes sounds of protest]
- Aluura: The tympanic tickle, the eustachian tube rub, the auditory nerve nibble... But if that's the way you feel...
- Quark: That is *exactly* the way I feel!
- [With what looks a little like a flirty smile, Alurra leaves. Quark sits alone, thinking about what she just said]
- Quark: [to himself] What am I saying?
- [jumps up; giving chase after her]
- Quark: Allurra? Wait!
- [Quark and Ishka are arguing angrily, slinging insults at one another]
- Ishka: [angrily] You're... You're a...
- Quark: Go ahead! Say it!
- Ishka: [as if struggling to find the right word] You're aaaa... .
- Quark: [screaming] I'm AAAAAAAAAA what?
- [a shocked, even horrified expression comes across Ishka's face as she suddenly falls backwards and lands heavily on the floor]
- Quark: [also shocked] Moogie?
- [No answer; Quark begins to panic]
- Quark: Moogie?
- [wails, rushing to her side]
- Quark: MOOOGGIIIEE!
- [Quark crouches next to his unconcious mother; no longer angry but conscience striken]
- Quark: Moogie... Moogie!
- Quark: You're nice to the customers, you're nice to the dabo girls, you're nice to the Ferengi waiters. You're nice to everyone - almost everyone.
- Aluura: You mean I've offended someone?
- Quark: Look closely, Aluura. Can't you see the pain in my eyes?
- Aluura: But I'm always nice to you.
- Quark: I think you could be nicer.
- Aluura: How much nicer?
- [Quark hands her a PADD]
- Aluura: [reads] "Oo-mox for Fun and Profit"?
- Quark: It's a quick read.
- Aluura: Ooh! You want me to be... "nice".