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Memorable quotes for
"Star Trek" The Trouble with Tribbles (1967)

Bones: It is a human characteristic to love little animals, especially if they're attractive in some way.
Spock: Doctor, I am well aware of human characteristics. I am frequently inundated by them, but I've trained myself to put up with practically anything.
Bones: Spock, I do not know too much about these little Tribbles yet, but there is one thing that I have discovered.
Spock: What is that, Doctor?
Bones: I like them... better than I like you.

---

Spock: [while holding a tribble] Most curious creature, Captain. It's trilling seems to have a tranquilizing effect on the human nervous system.
[he begins to pet it gently]
Spock: Fortunately, of course, I am immune to it's effect
[realizing what he is doing, he quickly puts the tribble down and excuses himself]

---

Scotty: Well, captain, er, the Klingons called you a tin plated over bearing swaggering dictator with delusions of godhood.
Capt. Kirk: Is that all?
Scotty: No sir, they also compared you with a Denebian slime devil.
Capt. Kirk: I see.
Scotty: And then they said that you were...
Capt. Kirk: I get the picture, Scotty.
Scotty: Yes, sir.
Capt. Kirk: And after they said all this, that's when you hit the Klingons.
Scotty: No, sir.
Capt. Kirk: No?
Scotty: No, er, I didn't. You told us to avoid trouble.
Capt. Kirk: Oh, yes.
Scotty: Well, I didn't see that it was worth fighting about. After all, we're big enough to take a few insults, aren't we?
Capt. Kirk: What was it they said that started the fight?
Scotty: They called the Enterprise a garbage scow! Sir.
Capt. Kirk: I see. And that's when you hit the Klingon?
Scotty: Yes, sir.
Capt. Kirk: You hit the Klingons because they insulted the Enterprise, not because they...
Scotty: Well, sir, this was a matter of pride!
Capt. Kirk: All right, Scotty dismissed. Oh, Scotty, you're restricted to quarters until further notice.
Scotty: Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. That'll give me a chance to catch up on my technical journals.

---

Capt. Kirk: Cyrano Jones, a Klingon agent?
[laughs]
Nilz Baris: You heard me.
Capt. Kirk: I heard you.
Spock: He simply could not believe his ears.

---

Trader: Four credits.
Cyrano Jones: Is that an offer or a joke?
Trader: That's my offer.
Cyrano Jones: That's a joke.

---

McCoy: Do you know what you get if you feed a tribble too much?
Capt. Kirk: A fat tribble.
McCoy: No. You get a whole bunch of hungry little tribbles.
Capt. Kirk: Well, Bones, all I can suggest... is you open up a maternity ward.

---

Dr. McCoy: Lieutenant, do you mind if I take one of these down to the lab, to see what makes it tick?
Dr. McCoy: Well all right doctor, but if you're gonna dissect it, I don't want to know about it.
Dr. McCoy: I won't harm a hair on its head... wherever that is.

---

[Arguing about the tribbles with station manager]
Nilz Baris: You have insulted me, you have ignored me, you, you walked all over me. You have abused your authority and you have rejected my requests. And this, this is the result. I am going to hold you responsible, Kirk.
Capt. Kirk: Mr Baris, I'll hold you in irons if you don't shut up.

---

Capt. Kirk: Who put the tribbles in the quadrotritecale and what was in the grain that killed them?

---

[asking about the tribbles]
Capt. Kirk: Scott, you didn't transport them into space did you?
Scotty: Captain Kirk, that'd be inhuman.
Capt. Kirk: Well, where are they?
Scotty: I gave them a very good home, sir.
Capt. Kirk: WHERE?
Scotty: I gave 'em to the Klingons, sir.
Capt. Kirk: You gave them to the Klingons?
Scotty: Aye, sir. Before they went into warp, I transported the whole kit'n kaboodle into their engine room, where they'll be nay tribble at all.

---

Capt. Kirk: I want to know what killed these tribbles.
Bones: I haven't figured out what keeps them alive yet.

---

[about Tribbles]
Spock: They do indeed have one redeeming characteristic.
Bones: What is that?
Spock: They do not talk too much.

---

Bones: They reproduce at will. And brother, have they got a lot of will!

---

Nilz Baris: Kirk, this station is swarming with Klingons.
Capt. Kirk: I was not aware, Mr. Baris, that 12 Klingons constitutes a swarm.
Nilz Baris: Captain Kirk, there are Klingon soldiers on this station. Now I want you to keep that grain safe!
Capt. Kirk: Mr. Baris, I have guards around the grain, I have guards around the Klingons. The only reason those guards are there is because Starfleet wants them there. As for what you want... it has been noted and logged. Kirk out.
[he shuts off the comlink]
Capt. Kirk: Captain, may I ask where you'll be?
Capt. Kirk: Sickbay... with a headache.

---

Capt. Kirk: Another technical journal, Scotty?
Scotty: Aye.
Capt. Kirk: Don't you ever relax?
Scotty: I am relaxing.

---

Korax: The Earthers like those fuzzy things. Well, frankly, I never like Earthers. They remind me of Regulan bloodworms.
Chekov: That Cossack.
Scotty: Easy, lad. You ought to be more forgiving.
Korax: Oh, I just remembered. There is one human who doesn't remind me of a Regulan bloodworm. That's Kirk. A regulan bloodworm is soft and shapeless, but Kirk isn't soft. Kirk may be a swaggering, overbearing, tin-plated dictator with delusions of god-hood, but he's not soft.

---

Korax: [speaking of the Enterprise] That sagging old rust-bucket is designed like a garbage scow. Half the quadrant knows it - that's why they're learning to speak Klingonee!

---

Capt. Kirk: How close will we come to the nearest Klingon outpost if we continue on our present course?
Chekov: Ah, one parsec, sir. Close enough to smell them.
[grins broadly]
Spock: That is illogical, Ensign. Odors cannot travel through the vacuum of space.
Chekov: I was making a little joke, sir.
Spock: Extremely little, Ensign.

---

Nilz Baris: Now, Captain, I want all available security guards. I want them posted around the storage compartments.
Capt. Kirk: Storage compartments? Storage compartments?
Arne Darvin: The storage compartments containing the quadro-triticale.
Capt. Kirk: The what, the what? What's... quadro-triticale?
Lurry: Here...
[hands Kirk a small container]
Capt. Kirk: [spills some of the contents on his hand] Wheat. So what?

---

Nilz Baris: Captain Kirk, I consider your security measures a disgrace. In my opinion, you have taken this entire very important project far too lightly.
Capt. Kirk: On the contrary, sir. I think of this project as very important. It is you I take lightly.

---

Nilz Baris: There must be thousands of them.
Capt. Kirk: [burried up to his neck in Tribbles] Hundreds of thousands.
Spock: 1,771,561. That's assuming one tribble, multiplying with an average litter of 10, producing a new generation every 12 hours over a period of three days.
Capt. Kirk: That's assuming they got here three days ago.
Spock: And allowing for the amount of grain consumed and the volume of the storage compartment.

---

Bones: [using his tricorder] Heartbeat is all wrong. His body temperature is...
[realizing]
Bones: Jim, this man is a Klingon.

---

Scotty: When are you going to get off that milk diet, lad?
Chekov: This is vodka.
Scotty: Where I come from, that's soda pop.
[Scotty raises his glass]
Scotty: Now this is a drink for a man.
Chekov: Scotch?
Scotty: Aye.
Chekov: It was invented by a little old lady from Leningrad.

---

Scotty: Laddy, don't you think you should rephrase that?
Korax: [With Scottish accent] You're right. I should.
[Drops accent]
Korax: I didn't mean to say that the Enterprise should be hauling garbage. I meant to say that it should be hauled away as garbage!
[Scotty stands up slowly, decks Korax, then all hell breaks loose]

---

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