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"Star Trek" A Piece of the Action (TV Episode 1968) Poster

(TV Series)

(1968)

Quotes

Spock: [balking at the prospect of another ride in a car with Kirk at the wheel] Captain, must we?

Capt. Kirk: It's faster than walking.

Spock: But not as safe.

Capt. Kirk: Are you afraid of cars?

Spock: Not at all, Captain. It's your DRIVING that alarms me.

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Bela Oxmyx: The most co-operative man in this world is a dead man. And if you don't keep your mouth shut, you're gonna be co-operatin'.

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Jojo Krako: I wanna know what happened!

Scott: It looks like we put the bag on YOU, doesn't it?

Jojo Krako: I got rights!

Scott: You got nothin'. You mind you place, mister, or you'll... you'll be wearin' concrete galoshes.

Jojo Krako: You mean cement overshoes?

Scott: Erm... Aye.

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Tepo: [after being beamed to Oxmyx's office] Mother!

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Spock: [on the 1920's Chicago-style world] Fascinating.

Dr. McCoy: This is like coming home.

Capt. Kirk: Home was never like this.

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Spock: Captain... you are an excellent starship commander. But as a taxi driver, you leave much to be desired.

Capt. Kirk: It was that bad?

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Spock: Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.

Dr. McCoy: You admit that?

Spock: To deny the facts would be illogical, Doctor.

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Capt. Kirk: [into communicator] Kirk to Enterprise.

Scott: Enterprise. Scott here, sir.

Capt. Kirk: [talking like a Chicago mobster] You got Krako on ice?

Scott: Aye, he's here. Mad enough to chew neutronium, but behavin' himself.

Capt. Kirk: OK, baby, cool him until I flag you.

Scott: Flag me?

Capt. Kirk: [normal voice] Keep him there until I send for him.

Capt. Kirk: [as mobster] We're gonna make some old-style phone calls from this locale. So you, ah, locate the man at de other end o' de blower and give 'im a ride to this flop.

Scott: What?

Capt. Kirk: [normal voice] Find the man at the other end of the phone and transport him to these coordinates.

Capt. Kirk: [back as mobster] Can do, sweetheart?

Scott: [dubiously] Can do, Captain.

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Spock: [Gangster accent] I would advise yas to keep dialin', Oxmyx.

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Capt. Kirk: [adopting a Chicago gangster accent] Now, you cooperate wid us and, uh, maybe we'll cut choo in for a piece o' dee action.

Spock: A minuscule... A very small piece.

Jojo Krako: How much is that?

Capt. Kirk: That's, uh...

Capt. Kirk: [dropping the accent] We'll figure it out later.

Jojo Krako: Thought you guys had laws! No interference!

Capt. Kirk: [accent on] Who's interferin'? We're... takin' over!

Capt. Kirk: [to Spock] Check?

Spock: Right.

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Kalo: [pointing a Tommy gun at Kirk. Spock & McCoy] Okay, you three, let's see you petrify.

Spock: Sir, would you mind explaining that statement, please?

Kalo: I wanna see you turn to stone. Put your hands over your head, or you ain't gonna have no head to put your hands over.

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Dr. McCoy: Well, those firearms are not necessary.

Kalo: You tryin' to make trouble?

Dr. McCoy: Who, me?

Kalo: Don't give me those baby blue eyes.

Dr. McCoy: What?

Kalo: I don't go for that innocent routine.

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Scott: Lt. Hadley. Check the language banks and find out what a... "heater" is.

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Capt. Kirk: This, uh... this card game is a kid's game.

Kalo: You think so, huh?

Capt. Kirk: Oh, yes. Yes. I wouldn't waste my time.

Kalo: Who's askin' you?

Capt. Kirk: On, er, Beta Antares IV, they play a real game. It's a man's game, but, of course, probably a little beyond you. It requires intelligence.

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Capt. Kirk: The name of the game is called, uh... fizzbin.

Kalo: Fizzbin?

Capt. Kirk: Fizzbin. It's, uh... not too difficult.

Kalo: Mm-hmm.

Capt. Kirk: Each player gets six cards, except for the dealer, er, the player on the dealer's right, who, er, gets seven.

Kalo: On the right?

Capt. Kirk: Yes. The second card is turned up, except on Tuesday.

Kalo: On Tuesday.

Capt. Kirk: Mm-hmm.

Capt. Kirk: [exited] Ooh, look what you got, two jacks. You got a half fizzbin already!

Kalo: Hehe! I need another jack.

Capt. Kirk: No, no. If you got another jack, why, you'd have, er, a sralk.

Kalo: A sralk?

Capt. Kirk: Yes. You'd be disqualified.

Kalo: Oh.

Capt. Kirk: No, what you need now, is either a king and a deuce, except at night, of course, when you'd need a queen and a, and a four.

Kalo: Except at night.

Capt. Kirk: Right. Oh, look at that. You've got another jack!

[Kalo laughs]

Capt. Kirk: How lucky you are! How wonderful for you. Now, if you didn't get another jack, if you'd gotten a king, why, then you'd get another card, except when it's dark, when you'd have to give it back.

Kalo: If it were dark on Tuesday.

Capt. Kirk: Yes, but what you're after is a royal fizzbin, but the odds in getting a royal fizzbin are astron... Spock, what are the odds in getting a royal fizzbin?

Spock: I have never computed them, Captain.

Capt. Kirk: Well, they're astronomical, believe me.

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Jojo Krako: Whadda ya think, we're stupid or something?

Capt. Kirk: No, no, no, I don't think you're stupid, Mr. Krako, I just think your behavior is arrested.

Jojo Krako: [shouting] I've never been arrested in my whole life!

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Spock: Mr. Oxmyx, this is Mr. Spock.

Bela Oxmyx: [using a stolen communicator] Huh? Hey, how'd you get back up there?

Spock: Irrelevant, since we are here.

Bela Oxmyx: Huh, yeah. Hey, you better come on back down. Krako's put the bag on your captain.

Spock: Why would he put a bag on our captain?

Bela Oxmyx: Kidnapped him, ya dope. He'll scrag him, too.

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Spock: [narrating] Ship's Log. Mr. Spock reporting. Incredible as it seems, Dr. McCoy and I are once again prisoners of the chief criminal boss of a society patterned after old Earth gangsters.

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Dr. McCoy: We're trying to help you, Oxmyx.

Bela Oxmyx: Nobody helps nobody but himself.

Spock: Sir, you are employing a double negative.

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Capt. Kirk: [to McCoy] Knock it off, Sawbones.

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Capt. Kirk: Now, listen, sweetheart, the Federation's movin' in. We're takin' over. You play ball, we'll cut choo in for a piece o' de pie. You don't, you're out - ALL de way out, you know what I mean?

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Bela Oxmyx: You Feds must have made a lot of improvements since that other ship came here. You probably got all kinds of fancy heaters up there. So here's the deal: You give me all the heaters I need, enough tools so I can knock off all those punks all at once. Then I'll take over, and all you have to do is deal with me.

Capt. Kirk: Now let me get this straight. You want us to supply you with arms and assistance so you can carry out an aggression against your neighbors?

Bela Oxmyx: What aggression? I gotta make some hits. I want you to help me hit 'em. That's all.

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Capt. Kirk: Hold on, Spock. Out of the mouth of babes...

Tough Kid: Who you callin' a babe?

Capt. Kirk: I'm calling you a babe.

Tough Kid: You calling me a babe?

Capt. Kirk: Yeah I'm callin'...

[the boy brandishes a knife]

Capt. Kirk: I'm callin' you a babe, but there's nothing personal in it.

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Capt. Kirk: Can you trust all your men?

Jojo Krako: Course I can!

Capt. Kirk: [indicating the phaser in Kravo's hand] Well, one of these can make a man a pretty big boss, you know?

Jojo Krako: I either trust 'em or they're dead.

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Capt. Kirk: Hello, Scotty, dis is Koik!

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Bela Oxmyx: Okay. A syndicate makes sense to me. I'm a peaceful man at heart, but I'm sick and tired of all these hits. I hit Krako, Krako hits Tepo, Tepo hits me. There's too many bosses. We can't get anything done.

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Spock: Captain, I'm neither brooding nor sombre, but I do have reservations about your solution to the problem of the Iotians.

Capt. Kirk: Ah, yes. I understand that. You don't think it's logical to leave a criminal organization in charge.

Spock: Highly irregular, to say the least, Captain. I'm also curious as to how you propose to explain to Starfleet Command that a starship will be sent each year to collect "our cut."

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Dr. McCoy: How are you with primitive radio equipment?

Spock: Very simple. Amplitude modulation transmission. Simply adjust the frequency, throw this switch. The Enterprise should answer.

Radio Voice: That was the Jailbreakers with their latest recording on Request Time, brought to you by Bang-Bang, the makers of the sweetest little automatic in the wor...

Spock: [switches radio off] Fascinating.

Dr. McCoy: And very simple.

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[last lines]

Capt. Kirk: All right, Bones, in the language of the planet, "What's your beef?"

Dr. McCoy: Well, I don't know how serious this is, Jim. And I don't quite know how to tell you...

Capt. Kirk: Go ahead.

Dr. McCoy: But in all the confusion, I...

Capt. Kirk: Tell me.

Dr. McCoy: I think I left it in Bela's office.

Capt. Kirk: You left it?

Dr. McCoy: Somewhere, I'm-I'm not certain.

Capt. Kirk: You're not certain of what?

Dr. McCoy: I left my communicator.

Capt. Kirk: In Bela's office?

Spock: Captain, if the Iotians, who are very bright an imitative people, should take that communicator apart...

Capt. Kirk: They will, they will. And they'll find out how the transtator works.

Spock: The transtator is the basis for every important piece of equipment that we have - the transporter, the...

Capt. Kirk: [overlapping] Everything, everything.

Dr. McCoy: You really think it's that serious?

Capt. Kirk: Serious? Serious, Bones? It upsets the whole percentage.

Dr. McCoy: How do you mean?

Capt. Kirk: Well, in a few years, the Iotians may demand a piece of OUR action.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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