Bela Oxmyx: The most co-operative man in this world is a dead man. And if you don't keep your mouth shut, you're gonna be co-operatin'.
Capt. Kirk: All right, Bones, in the language of the planet, "What's your beef?"
Dr. McCoy: Well, I don't know how serious this is, Jim. And I don't quite know how to tell you...
Capt. Kirk: Go ahead.
Dr. McCoy: But in all the confusion, I...
Capt. Kirk: Tell me.
Dr. McCoy: I think I left it in Bela's office.
Capt. Kirk: You left it?
Dr. McCoy: Somewhere, I'm-I'm not certain.
Capt. Kirk: You're not certain of what?
Dr. McCoy: I left my communicator.
Capt. Kirk: In Bela's office?
Spock: Captain, if the Iotians, who are very bright an imitative people, should take that communicator apart...
Capt. Kirk: They will, they will. And they'll find out how the transtator works.
Spock: The transtator is the basis for every important piece of equipment that we have - the transporter, the...
Capt. Kirk: [overlapping] Everything, everything.
Dr. McCoy: You really think it's that serious?
Capt. Kirk: Serious? Serious, Bones? It upsets the whole percentage.
Dr. McCoy: How do you mean?
Capt. Kirk: Well, in a few years, the Iotians may demand a piece of OUR action.
Spock: [balking at the prospect of another ride in a car with Kirk at the wheel] Captain, must we?
Capt. Kirk: It's faster than walking.
Spock: But not as safe.
Capt. Kirk: Are you afraid of cars?
Spock: Not at all, Captain. It's your DRIVING that alarms me.
Spock: [Gangster accent] I would advise yas to keep dialin', Oxmyx.
Spock: Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.
Dr. McCoy: You admit that?
Spock: To deny the facts would be illogical, Doctor.
Capt. Kirk: [adopting a Chicago gangster accent] Now, you cooperate wid us and, uh, maybe we'll cut choo in for a piece o' dee action.
Spock: A minuscule... A very small piece.
Jojo Krako: How much is that?
Capt. Kirk: That's, uh...
Capt. Kirk: [dropping the accent] We'll figure it out later.
Jojo Krako: Thought you guys had laws! No interference!
Capt. Kirk: [accent on] Who's interferin'? We're... takin' over!
Capt. Kirk: [to Spock] Check?
Kalo: [pointing a Tommy gun at Kirk. Spock & McCoy] Okay, you three, let's see you petrify.
Spock: Sir, would you mind explaining that statement, please?
Kalo: I wanna see you turn to stone. Put your hands over your head, or you ain't gonna have no head to put your hands over.
Jojo Krako: I wanna know what happened!
Scott: It looks like we put the bag on YOU, doesn't it?
Jojo Krako: I got rights!
Scott: You got nothin'. You mind you place, mister, or you'll... you'll be wearin' concrete galoshes.
Jojo Krako: You mean cement overshoes?
Scott: Erm... Aye.
Spock: [on the 1920's Chicago-style world] Fascinating.
Dr. McCoy: This is like coming home.
Capt. Kirk: Home was never like this.
Spock: Captain... you are an excellent starship commander. But as a taxi driver, you leave much to be desired.
Capt. Kirk: It was that bad?
Capt. Kirk: [into communicator] Kirk to Enterprise.
Scott: Enterprise. Scott here, sir.
Capt. Kirk: [talking like a Chicago mobster] You got Krako on ice?
Scott: Aye, he's here. Mad enough to chew neutronium, but behavin' himself.
Capt. Kirk: OK, baby, cool him until I flag you.
Scott: Flag me?
Capt. Kirk: [normal voice] Keep him there until I send for him.
Capt. Kirk: [as mobster] We're gonna make some old-style phone calls from this locale. So you, ah, locate the man at de other end o' de blower and give 'im a ride to this flop.
Capt. Kirk: [normal voice] Find the man at the other end of the phone and transport him to these coordinates.
Capt. Kirk: [back as mobster] Can do, sweetheart?
Scott: [dubiously] Can do, Captain.
Dr. McCoy: Well, those firearms are not necessary.
Kalo: You tryin' to make trouble?
Dr. McCoy: Who, me?
Kalo: Don't give me those baby blue eyes.
Dr. McCoy: What?
Kalo: I don't go for that innocent routine.
Scott: Lt. Hadley. Check the language banks and find out what a... "heater" is.
Capt. Kirk: This, uh... this card game is a kid's game.
Kalo: You think so, huh?
Capt. Kirk: Oh, yes. Yes. I wouldn't waste my time.
Kalo: Who's askin' you?
Capt. Kirk: On, er, Beta Antares IV, they play a real game. It's a man's game, but, of course, probably a little beyond you. It requires intelligence.
Capt. Kirk: The name of the game is called, uh... fizzbin.
Capt. Kirk: Fizzbin. It's, uh... not too difficult.
Capt. Kirk: Each player gets six cards, except for the dealer, er, the player on the dealer's right, who, er, gets seven.
Kalo: On the right?
Capt. Kirk: Yes. The second card is turned up, except on Tuesday.
Kalo: On Tuesday.
Capt. Kirk: Mm-hmm.
Capt. Kirk: [exited] Ooh, look what you got, two jacks. You got a half fizzbin already!
Kalo: Hehe! I need another jack.
Capt. Kirk: No, no. If you got another jack, why, you'd have, er, a sralk.
Kalo: A sralk?
Capt. Kirk: Yes. You'd be disqualified.
Capt. Kirk: No, what you need now, is either a king and a deuce, except at night, of course, when you'd need a queen and a, and a four.
Kalo: Except at night.
Capt. Kirk: Right. Oh, look at that. You've got another jack!
Capt. Kirk: How lucky you are! How wonderful for you. Now, if you didn't get another jack, if you'd gotten a king, why, then you'd get another card, except when it's dark, when you'd have to give it back.
Kalo: If it were dark on Tuesday.
Capt. Kirk: Yes, but what you're after is a royal fizzbin, but the odds in getting a royal fizzbin are astron... Spock, what are the odds in getting a royal fizzbin?
Spock: I have never computed them, Captain.
Capt. Kirk: Well, they're astronomical, believe me.
Jojo Krako: Whadda ya think, we're stupid or something?
Capt. Kirk: No, no, no, I don't think you're stupid, Mr. Krako, I just think your behavior is arrested.
Jojo Krako: [shouting] I've never been arrested in my whole life!
Spock: Mr. Oxmyx, this is Mr. Spock.
Bela Oxmyx: [using a stolen communicator] Huh? Hey, how'd you get back up there?
Spock: Irrelevant, since we are here.
Bela Oxmyx: Huh, yeah. Hey, you better come on back down. Krako's put the bag on your captain.
Spock: Why would he put a bag on our captain?
Bela Oxmyx: Kidnapped him, ya dope. He'll scrag him, too.
Spock: [narrating] Ship's Log. Mr. Spock reporting. Incredible as it seems, Dr. McCoy and I are once again prisoners of the chief criminal boss of a society patterned after old Earth gangsters.
Dr. McCoy: We're trying to help you, Oxmyx.
Bela Oxmyx: Nobody helps nobody but himself.
Spock: Sir, you are employing a double negative.
Capt. Kirk: Now, listen, sweetheart, the Federation's movin' in. We're takin' over. You play ball, we'll cut choo in for a piece o' de pie. You don't, you're out - ALL de way out, you know what I mean?
Bela Oxmyx: You Feds must have made a lot of improvements since that other ship came here. You probably got all kinds of fancy heaters up there. So here's the deal: You give me all the heaters I need, enough tools so I can knock off all those punks all at once. Then I'll take over, and all you have to do is deal with me.
Capt. Kirk: Now let me get this straight. You want us to supply you with arms and assistance so you can carry out an aggression against your neighbors?
Bela Oxmyx: What aggression? I gotta make some hits. I want you to help me hit 'em. That's all.
Capt. Kirk: Hold on, Spock. Out of the mouth of babes...
Tough Kid: Who you callin' a babe?
Capt. Kirk: I'm calling you a babe.
Tough Kid: You calling me a babe?
Capt. Kirk: Yeah I'm callin'...
[the boy brandishes a knife]
Capt. Kirk: I'm callin' you a babe, but there's nothing personal in it.
Capt. Kirk: Can you trust all your men?
Jojo Krako: Course I can!
Capt. Kirk: [indicating the phaser in Kravo's hand] Well, one of these can make a man a pretty big boss, you know?
Jojo Krako: I either trust 'em or they're dead.
Bela Oxmyx: Okay. A syndicate makes sense to me. I'm a peaceful man at heart, but I'm sick and tired of all these hits. I hit Krako, Krako hits Tepo, Tepo hits me. There's too many bosses. We can't get anything done.
Spock: Captain, I'm neither brooding nor sombre, but I do have reservations about your solution to the problem of the Iotians.
Capt. Kirk: Ah, yes. I understand that. You don't think it's logical to leave a criminal organization in charge.
Spock: Highly irregular, to say the least, Captain. I'm also curious as to how you propose to explain to Starfleet Command that a starship will be sent each year to collect "our cut."
Dr. McCoy: How are you with primitive radio equipment?
Spock: Very simple. Amplitude modulation transmission. Simply adjust the frequency, throw this switch. The Enterprise should answer.
Radio Voice: That was the Jailbreakers with their latest recording on Request Time, brought to you by Bang-Bang, the makers of the sweetest little automatic in the wor...
Spock: [switches radio off] Fascinating.
Dr. McCoy: And very simple.