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(TV Series)

(1999)

Quotes

Mike: Don't want to go into your party?

Tim: But they were playing 'The Time Warp', I hate 'The Time Warp'!

Mike: Daisy likes it.

Tim: So what? I hate it! It's boil-in-the-bag perversion for sexually repressed accountants and first-year drama students with too many posters of Betty Blue, The Blues Brothers, Big Blue and Blue Velvet on their blue bloody walls!

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Brian: [looking at Daisy's tin foil party decorations] I see it as a tribute to Christo, the artist.

Tim: I see it as a waste of Baco, the foil.

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Daisy: We need to get used to each other. We don't know each other that well, do we?

[cutaway to Tim reading Daisy's diary]

Tim: [chuckling] Thrush.

[cut back to the original scene]

Tim: No.

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Tim: [they can hear the techno music from Amber's party above, so Daisy turns up the volume of their naff 80s pop music] What is this? This is rubbish! We should be listening to firm young melodies, kicking tunes, thumping bass... God, I sound so stupid!

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Twist Morgan: Daisy. Don't you look nice? Bit of a midriff show. Big's in this season. Good for you.

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Twist: Hi. Interesting outfit.

Marsha: Oh, thanks. Thought I'd make an effort.

Twist: Mm, yeah. I can really see what you tried to do.

Marsha: [slightly hurt] Yeah, cheers.

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Daisy: [has knocked on Marsha's door while she's having a row with her daughter Amber] Teenagers, eh?

Marsha: She's not a teenager, she's the devil in an A cup!

[Amber screams and throws something at the wall]

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[after Tim spitefully begins making moaning noises in the proximity of Daisy's phone call]

Richard: Daisy! I can hear sex noise!

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Tim: What with the Skaterama at the East Finchley Uberbowl and the Tripods convention in Swindon, most of my friends are otherwise engaged.

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['The Time Warp' from 'The Rocky Horror Show' has started playing]

Twist: [getting up to dance] Ooh, Time Warp!

Marsha: [squeaky voice, mimicking Twist] Ooh, Time Warp!

Tim: [disappointed] Oh, Time Warp?

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Tim: Do you think we're getting old, Mike?

Mike: Everyone gets old, Tim. Everyone except my cousin Adam.

Tim: What's so special about your cousin Adam?

Mike: He is getting younger.

Tim: Bastard. What are we gonna do?

Mike: There's nothing we can do, the government know, they keep it very hush-hush.

Tim: I'm not talking about Adam! I'm talking about what we're gonna do now!

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Daisy: [singing along, incorrectly, to 'The King Of Rock 'n' Roll' by Prefab Sprout] Hot dog, jumping frog... Alma Cookies!

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Mike: [introducing himself, with a salute] Sergeant Mike Watts, TA. It's the longest way up, shortest way down.

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[meeting for the first time, Mike and Brian just stand in awkward silence]

Daisy: [gestures to Brian] Artist.

[gestures to herself]

Daisy: Writer.

[gestures to Mike]

Mike: Er, Mike.

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Twist: It's quite a nice flat. It'll be better when you've unpacked and cleaned up a little.

Daisy: [sheepishly] This is it, actually.

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[Tim answers the door. It's Mike, but also two teenage girls. Tim smiles at them]

Amber's Friend #2: Oh, hi. We're looking for the party.

Tim: Er, yeah, well, come on in.

Amber's Friend: Are you Amber's dad?

Tim: [laughs, then his smile fades] It's upstairs.

[as they go up the stairs]

Tim: I think you might have missed the puppet show, though!

Amber's FriendAmber's Friend #2: Fuck off!

Tim: [angrily] What did you say?

Mike: They said "fuck off".

Tim: I know what they said, Mike! Little cow, standing there with her bloomin' purple hair and her alcopops, giving it all that...

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Marsha: [about the party] Will Brian be there?

Daisy: Well, yeah, I hope so, Tim's just gone to ask him.

Marsha: Do you like him?

Daisy: [shrugs] He's all right.

Marsha: [whispers] Good legs.

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[Tim knocks on Brian's door]

Brian: [from inside] Who is it?

Tim: Father Christmas.

[Brian rushes to the door looking all excited]

Brian: Oh, it's you.

Tim: Who'd you think it was?

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Tim: [about the charade of them being a couple because the flat was advertised as being for couples only] Do we still have to hold hands in the corridor?

Daisy: Not if you don't want to.

Tim: I didn't say that.

Daisy: We could probably cut down on the fake sex noises.

[cut away to Tim and Daisy making loud grunting and yelping noises, as he plays on his Playstation and she jumps up and down on the sofa]

Tim: Shame.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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