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"South Park" Weight Gain 4000 (TV Episode 1997) Poster

(TV Series)

(1997)

Quotes

Cartman: I am not fat, I'm big-boned.

Kyle: Jay Leno's chin is big-boned. You're a big fat ass.

Cartman: Nuh-uh!

Kyle: Cartman, you have such a big fat ass that when you walk down the street people say, "GODDAMMIT, that's a big fat ass!"

Man: Goddamn it, that's a big fat ass!

Cartman: Hey!

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Kyle: Hey Stan. Did you see that rainbow this morning?

Stan: Yeah. It was huge.

Cartman: Eh. I hate those things.

Kyle: Nobody hates rainbows.

Stan: Yeah. What's there to hate about rainbows?

Cartman: Well, you know. You'll just be sitting there, minding your own business, and they'll come marching in, and crawl up your leg, and start biting the inside of your ass, and you'll be all like, "Hey. Get out of my ass you stupid rainbows."

Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?

Cartman: I'm talking about rainbows. I hate those friggin' things.

Kyle: Rainbows are those little arches of color that show up during a rainstorm.

Cartman: Oh. RainBOWS. Oh yeah, I like those. Those are cool.

Stan: What were you talking about?

Cartman: Huh? Oh nothing. Forget it.

Kyle: No. What marches in, crawls up your leg-...

Cartman: Nothing.

Kyle: ...and starts biting the inside of your ass?

Cartman: Nothing.

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Cartman: Follow your dreams. You can reach your goals. I'm living proof. Beefcake. Beefcake.

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Geraldo Rivera: Obesity. Adiposity. Corpulence. Whatever word you use, it represents one thing: being a big fatass.

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Stan Marsh: Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly.

Cartman: Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.

Stan Marsh: Dolphins are way smarter than you!

Cartman: If they're so smart, why do they live in igloos?

Stan Marsh: Dolphins don't live in igloos, that's Eskimos!

Cartman: Dolphins, Eskimos, what's the difference? It's all a bunch of tree hugging hippie crap!

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Kyle: What are you drinking, Cartman?

Cartman: Weight Gain 4000. It's helping me bulk up.

Stan: Bulk up to what? Fat ass?

Kyle: Super fat ass?

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Mr. Garrison: I guess I'm not the only person in America who's thought of killing Kathie Lee Gifford.

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Stan Marsh: Officer Barbrady, have you seen Mr. Garrison?

Officer Barbrady: The schoolteacher? Wait a minute...

[he flashes back to his encounter with Mr. Garrison]

Mr. Garrison: Officer Barbrady, do you know where I could get a good shot, er, view, of Kathy Lee?

Officer Barbrady: Hmm, I bet the book depository would be a good bet... book depository... book depository... depository... depository!

[back to the present]

Officer Barbrady: My God, he could be anywhere!

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Cartman: I'm gonna be on television. I'm gonna be on television.

Stan: We don't believe for a minute that you won that contest fairly, fat boy.

Cartman: Oh, stop defending your girlfriend for writing about some stupid fish.

Stan: Dude, dolphins aren't stupid. They're inteligent and friendly.

Cartman: Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonaise.

Stan: Dolphins are way smarter than you.

Cartman: Oh, yeah? If they're so smart, how come they live in igloos?

Stan: Dude, that's not dolphins, that's Eskimos.

Cartman: Dolphins, Eskimos, it's all a bunch of tree-hugging hippie crap.

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Mr. Garrison: Congratulations, Eric, on writing the award-winning paper.

Cartman: Kick ass.

Stan: That's impossible. Cartman doesn't know a rainforest from a Pop-Tart.

Cartman: Yeah, I do. Pop-Tarts are frosted.

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Jimbo: Uh-oh.

Chef: You know, Kathie Lee, you are a very special woman. I don't mean special in a Mary Tyler Moore way, or special in an extra value meal at Happy Burger way. No, no, no, no, no. I mean special, like the song of a hummingbird as it gets ready to find that female hummingbird and make sweet love to it all night long. Just two hummingbirds moaning and groaning and letting their bodies caress and touch each other in ecstasy.

[sings]

Chef: Oh Kathie Lee / How I'd love to lay you down / And lick every inch of your body with my tongue. / Kathie Lee, you're my sexual fantasy. / How 'bout you and me get it together and make sweet love?

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Stan Marsh: Cartman doesn't know a rain forest from a pop-tart!

Cartman: Yeah, I do! Pop-tarts are frosted!

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Cartman: Beefcake!

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Cartman: This is sweet. Camera crews are setting up, and I'm lookin' totally ripped. Beefcake. Beefcake.

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[last lines]

Kathie Lee Gifford: How about giving me some more of that sweet loving Chef.

Chef: DAMN WOMAN! I just gave you sweet loving five minutes ago. Are you trying to kill me?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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