- [Describing "Scuzzlebutt."]
- Cartman: And he walks with a limp, because one of his legs is missing. And where his leg should be, there's nothing but... Patrick Duffy.
- Jimbo: Look, It's Scuzzlebutt.
- Cartman: What, Scuzzlebutt's REAL?
- Patrick Duffy: Hello kids, I'm TV's Patrick Duffy.
- Stan Marsh: I don't want to shoot the bunny.
- Jimbo: What the hell are you talking about, you don't want to shoot the bunny? You're babbling, you're not making any sense, you're hysterical!
- Officer Barbrady: All right people. The mayor wanted everyone to see this educational film. So please try to pay attention, okay?
- Voiceover: This is Jenny. She and her family are having a picnic at the foot of a volcano. Oh no. The volcano has erupted. What do you do now, Jenny? That's right, duck and cover. What do you do, Jenny? Duck and cover. DUCK AND COVER!
- Officer Barbrady: Any questions?
- Chef: That has got to be the biggest load of pig crap I have *ever* seen.
- Officer Barbrady: That's enough of you!
- Johnson: [over the intercom] Mayor, the geologist is here to see you.
- Mayor McDaniels: My geologist? Now? Tell him the infection is fine and I don't need another check-up!
- Johnson: No, mayor, that's a gynecologist. A geologist studies the earth.
- Mayor McDaniels: Don't you think I know that? How dare you insult my intellect? I went to Princeton for God's sake! You get out of my office!
- Johnson: I'm not in your office mayor, I'm talking to you through a speaker.
- Mayor McDaniels: [after a long pause] Just send in the geologist.
- Stan Marsh: My Uncle Jimbo says we gotta get up there early. Right Uncle Jimbo?
- Jimbo: That's right, Stanley. Animals are much easier to shoot in the morning.
- [Last Lines]
- Chef: [Returning to South Park to see all of the townspeople covered in ash, which looks like blackface] Alright, everybody gather round, I'm about to whup all of your asses.