[Barbra Streisand has disguised herself to trick the boys into giving her the magic Triangle]
Barbra Streisand: I want to give you a big cash reward for findsing it. It's worth a lot of money to me.
Eric Cartman: It is?
Stan Marsh: Hey, no wonder that Barbra Streisand lady wanted it.
Barbra Streisand: Oh!
Barbra Streisand: Who is that?
Kyle Broflovski: Oh, just this really, really old lady who wishes she was still only forty-five.
[Boys laugh, Barbra Streisand grinds her teeth]
Stan Marsh: Yeah, and you should have seen her nose! It was big enough to land Stealth Bombers on!
[Boys laugh again, Barbra Streisand desperately tries to restrain herself]
Eric Cartman: Yeah! And talk about a bitch, I haven't seen...
Barbra Streisand: *Enough*!
Barbra Streisand: You know who I am, don't you?
Officer Barbrady: Well, you ain't Fiona Apple, and if you ain't Fiona Apple, I don't give a rat's ass.
Chef: [during Mecha Streisand's reign of terror, a Japanese singer sings a generic theme song. Chef turns to him] Is that *really* necessary?
Kyle Broflovski: [yelling to Robert Smith as he disappears into the distance] "Disintegration" is the best album EVER!
Officer Barbrady: Boys, shouldn't you be in school?
Stan Marsh: It's Saturday!
Officer Barbrady: No excuses! Move along, you little troublemakers!
Kyle Broflovski: Wait. Isn't there some rule about not getting into cars with strangers?
Eric Cartman: No, not when money's involved, stupid!
[Cartman is on an anthropological dig with the rest of the class]
Eric Cartman: [singing] Days never endin', massa got me workin', someday massa set me free!
Tom the News Reader: ...and finally tonight, a young boy from South Park, Colorado found something very interesting during a field trip today. Here with a special report is a quadraplegic Swiss man on a pony.
[cuts to Quadraplegic Swiss man]
Quadraplegic Swiss Man: Thanks, Tom, the little eight year old was very shocked indeed when he came across a very ancient triangular object.
Kyle Broflovski: Well, I was just digging around, and I was all like, 'dude, I found this triangle' and my friends were like, 'dude' and I was all like 'dude.'
Eric Cartman: ...and I told him. I said, 'Kyle, I will kick you in the nuts.' But he didn't give it back to me. So I kicked him squa' - in the nuts, and he cried - like Nancy Kerrigan!
Kyle Broflovski: You liar, Cartman!
Eric Cartman: [off-camera] Screw you, triangle thief!
Quadraplegic Swiss Man: And so, the little boy will take his discovery home and perhaps donate it to science... mwell a little later. Back to you, Dave.
Tom the News Reader: Thanks, Tom. Those are some cute, cute kids, except for that last one-he's a little tubby.
Eric Cartman: [popping up before the camera] Eeyy!
Eric Cartman: [after the boys are forced to endure Streisand's singing] Okay, okay! I'll tell where the triangle is. It's inside my shoe.
[Milo approaches and removes his right shoe]
Kyle Broflovski: Aagh! For Christ's sake, Cartman, when was the last time you changed your socks?
Eric Cartman: And I suppose *your* socks smell like the Botanical Gardens?