- Ruth Fisher: Thank you. I've had the best time coming to this funny little restaurant and having you yell at me in the bathroom.
- Nate: I can't believe they pressured you into sacrificing your life for your brother.
- Brenda Chenowith: Nobody pressured me... I wanted to stay.
- Nate: At some point you're gonna have to deal with how you feel.
- Claire Fisher: Oh, gawd, can't I just get upset without having to focus on what's really making me upset?
- Boring Man: So I say to this guy, I can't do anything unless you give me an order number. And I don't appreciate your taking that tone of voice with me. He says he doesn't have an order number and I say, well, you should always write down the order number. Then he gets all pissy. Says he wants to speak to the person he order the Astoria floor lamp from. And I say, well, do you remember his or her
- [chuckles]
- Boring Man: right, y'know... name? And he says, of course not and I say, then I'm, I can't help ya
- [chuckles]
- Boring Man: . The he tells me this isn't the first he had a problem ordering from us. Last Christmas he bought a cd holder and it arrived all broken. When we told him, send it back, he couldn't because he'd thrown away the box it came in
- [chuckles]
- Boring Man: . So I say, uh, I say boo hoo mister, ain't you got it bad? And he says I want to talk to your supervisor and I say, well, of course you can talk to him, but unfortunately, his hours are only 8:30...
- Angela: [on the phone while embalming] Look, I don't want to make a big deal out of this. All I'm saying is, I sat around last week in that stupid get-up you wanted me to wear and had to say all this... y'know, daddy this and daddy that bullshit. And when I tell you I keep reading these articles about having this one hour orgasm, the least you could do is try to help me have one. Well, I'm sorry that men can't have it, but since you guys get to have everything else on the planet, it seems like a fair trade-off.
- Homeless Man: [being handed a meal in a styrofoam container] Thank you.
- David Fisher: You're welcome.
- David Fisher: [seductive jazz music plays] Can I get you anything else?
- Homeless Man: I could always use a good blow job... blow job... blow job... blow job
- Job Applicant #2: Sometimes I wake up, with a feeling of panic, like my heart's gonna beat right out of my chest. You know what I'm talking about. But after I spend a few extra hours in bed, and do my chanting, the dark time usually passes.
- Angela: I know it sounds funny, but the first time I embalmed someone, it felt like I was coming home. I just knew that this was what I was meant to do.
- Angela: So then I said to him, 'I don't care if you have a low sperm count, I'll just shove a turkey baster up there if I have to.'
- David Fisher: Angela, we're sort of used to a more professional appearance around here.
- Angela: Well, give me a break, David, they're just nipples. I mean, we've all seen 'em, we've all touched 'em, we've all sucked on 'em. And it's not like this guy is gonna be lying in the casket and people are gonna be saying 'oh my god, the embalmer's nipples were hard.' They're gonna be saying, 'oh my god, how did they put his face back together after he went through the goddamn windshield?'
- Angela: I had an ex who wanted to pee on me and I wasn't grossed out. I mean, I just thought it was kinda silly, but that's me.