[Homer is heading out to participate in Whacking Day]
Lisa: Dad, for the last time, please don't lower yourself to the level of the mob.
Homer: Lisa, maybe if I'm part of that mob, I can help steer it in wise directions. Now where's my giant foam cowboy hat and airhorn?
Homer: Inside every man is a struggle between good and evil that cannot be resolved.
[Dissolve to inside Homer's head; "Evil Homer," dressed in a devil suit, is dancing and shaking two castanets over a grave marked "Good Homer."]
Homer: I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer!
[Barry White is the Guest of Honor on Whacking Day]
Mayor Quimby: Now I'd like to introduce our Grand Marshal, the Prophet of Love, Larry White.
Barry White: Barry White.
Mayor Quimby: No, it says here Larry White.
Barry White: I know my own name.
Mayor Quimby: Yeah? Well, we'll just see!
Bart: Whacking Day is a sham. It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish.
Old Irishman: 'Tis true. I took many a lump, but 'twas all in good fun.
Reverend Timothy Lovejoy: [Reading from his Bible] And the Lord said, "Whack ye all the serpents which crawl upon their bellies, and thy town shall be a beacon unto others." So you see, Lisa, even God Himself endorses Whacking Day.
Lisa: Let me see that.
Reverend Timothy Lovejoy: [Putting his Bible away] No.
Barney: [Barney is hitting the ground with a stick] Take that snake! Ungh! And you too! Snakes! Snakes everyhere!
Lenny: Getting ready for Whacking Day?
Barney: What's Whacking Day?
[Whacking Day anthem - to the tune of "O Christmas Tree"]
Choir: O Whacking Day, O Whacking Day/Our hallowed snake-skull cracking day/We'll break their backs/Gouge out their eyes/Their evil hearts we'll pulverize/O Whacking Day, O Whacking Day/May God bestow his grace on Thee.
[asking the kids what they did in school]
Bart: I got expelled.
Homer: That's my boy!
[sips his beer]
Homer: Mmm, beer... *what*?