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"The Simpsons" Treehouse of Horror IX (TV Episode 1998) Poster

Quotes

[couch gag]

Freddy Krueger: I don't get it. They should be here by now.

Jason Voorhees: Ah, what are you gonna do?

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Krusty the Clown: [dressed as a vampire] Hey, hey.

[reads cue card]

Krusty the Clown: Tonight I'm going to suck!

[next cue card]

Krusty the Clown: Your blood.

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[Homer is dressed in tattered clothes, and eating beans from a can]

Marge Simpson: Oh, Homer you're not going as a hobo again?

Homer Simpson: Going where?

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Bart Simpson: Hey Lis, we're characters in a cartoon!

Lisa Simpson: How humiliating.

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[Bart and Lisa have been zapped inside the TV, and are being chased by Itchy and Scratchy when Homer changes the channel to "Regis & Kathie Lee"]

Kathie Lee: [cooking soup] OK, now we add salt.

[Bart and Lisa fall into the soup, splashing it]

Regis: OW! My eyes! My eyes! Oh, God! My beautiful eyes!

[Itchy and Scratchy fall in, also splashing]

Kathie Lee: That's it! I'm going home. Dom DeLuise can interview himself.

Regis: My eyes!

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Kang: Holy fleurking schnit!

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Marge: Homer, Kang is Maggie's father.

Homer: You intergalactic hussy.

[cries]

Homer: Was he better than me?

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Marge Simpson: [after the aliens left] Suckers!

Homer Simpson: [to Maggie] Come on Maggie. Let's go home.

Maggie: [removes pacifier] Very well, I'll drive!

[laughs]

Maggie: I need blood.

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Lady in Audience: Yeah, I got a question for that gross thing, whatever it is.

Jerry Springer: Homer.

Lady in Audience: Nah, the green dude.

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Lisa Simpson: [pushes his food away] I just lost my appetite.

Lisa Simpson: [pushes her food away] Me, too.

Homer Simpson: [grabs Lisa's food] Wait, mine came back!

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Scratchy: Hey you're beautiful.

Marge: Aww. Look who's found a new love. That means you'll have to be neutered.

Scratchy: [grabbing himself] NOOOOOOO!

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Homer Simpson: Mama took those batteries / She took them away / Mama took those batteries / Size double-A!

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Kent Brockman: [grim] ... and the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night.

[brightens]

Kent Brockman: On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

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Chief Wiggum: Homer Simpson, you're under arrest for the murders of Moe Syzslak and Apu Nahassa... passa... well, just Moe, just Moe.

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Kang: Oh, you look lovely this evening. Have you decreased in mass?

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Marge Simpson: Wow! If your fly weren't open, you'd look just like Roger Moore!

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Homer Simpson: [after he pulls Maggie's legs off] Look, Marge! Maggie lost her baby legs!

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Marge Simpson: [as the Jerry Springer show goes to commercial] I am so

[Bleep]

Marge Simpson: embarrassed!

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[Kodos and Kang appear at The Simpsons' door]

Homer: Oh no, Mormons!

Kang: Actually, we're Quantum Presbyterians.

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[after being transported into the "Itchy & Scratchy Show"]

Bart: Lise, look. We're characters in a cartoon show.

Lisa: How humiliating.

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Announcer: We'll return after How Dracula Got His Groove Back!

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Marge Simpson: I can't believe it. Jerry Springer couldn't solve our problem.

Lisa Simpson: And now he's dead.

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Chief Wiggum: At this time we have no leads but I can safely say that Apu didn't suffer.

Lou: It looks like he suffered to me chief.

Chief Wiggum: Aw jeeze Lou. How long were you planning on letting me drink this stuff?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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