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Memorable quotes for
"The Simpsons" The Springfield Files (1997)

Frog 1: Bud...
Frog 2: ...Wei...
Frog 3: ...Wei...
Frog 1: Bud...
Frog 2: ...Wei...
Frog 3: ...Ser
[an alligator snatches them in his mouth]
Alligator: Coors!

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Alien: I bring you love.
Lenny: It's bringing love, don't let it get away!
Carl: Break its legs.
[everyone starts to advance on the alien]
Lisa: Wait! You want an alien? This is your alien.
[Shines torch on alien to reveal Mr. Burns in a twisted and disoriented state]
Mr. Burns: [in a high-toned voice] Hello, children. I bring you love.
Willy: Argh. It's a monster. Kill it, kill it!
Smithers: It's not a monster, it's Mr. Burns!
Willy: Aww, it's Mr. Burns! KILL IT! KILL IT!

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Groundskeeper Willy: [shouts] It's a monster! Kill it! Kill it!
Waylon Smithers: It's not a monster, it's Mr. Burns
Groundskeeper Willy: [cooing] Aaw, it's Mr. Burns.
[irate]
Groundskeeper Willy: Kill it! Kill it!

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Mulder: Mr. Simpson, we want you to recreate your every move the night you saw the alien.
Homer: The evening began at the gentlemen's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.
Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the FBI.
Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. Happy?

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Mr. Burns: A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow... and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.

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[last lines]
Squeaky Voiced Teen: [closing the book] And so concludes our tale. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Good night, and keep watching the skis.
[points up]
Squeaky Voiced Teen: Uh skies.
[the X Files theme plays]

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Mulder: Look at this, Scully: there has been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.
Scully: Well, gee Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
Mulder: I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.

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Leonard Nimoy: Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No.

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Dr. Nick Riviera: Don't worry. You won't feel a thing...
[exhibiting a swirling mechanical device]
Dr. Nick Riviera: ...till I jam this down your throat!

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[Bart tells Homer that he believes Homer's alien story]
Bart Simpson: You seem so damn sure.
Homer Simpson: Thanks, son. And do you think you can stop the casual swearing?
Bart Simpson: Hell, yes.

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Mulder: [after subjecting Homer to a physical and numerous medical tests, Scully has set him on a treadmill] Wait a minute, Scully. What's the point of this test?
Scully: No point. I just figured he could stand to lose some weight.
Mulder: [Seeing the movement of Homer's belly] His jigglin is almost hypnotic.
Scully: Yes. It's like a lava lamp.

---

Alien: I bring you love.
Dr. Hibbert: Is that the love between a man and a woman? Or the love of a man for a cuban cigar?
Alien: Uh... I bring you love.

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Homer: [Using a trick he learned watching "Speed"] I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around the city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, the bus would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

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[Homer sees a billboard that says 'DIE']
Homer: Yaaaaaaaah!
[the wind blows away the tree that covered the last letter of the billboard, saying now 'DIET']
Homer: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

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Grampa: [after being bit by a turtle] Aaaahhhhhh! He bit me with my own teeth!

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Homer: I don't see any shirts saying Homer is a dope.
Salesman: They sold out ten minutes ago.
Homer: I'll take one.

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Mr. Burns: And now that I am back to normal I don't bring love. I bring hate, fear and…
Dr. Nick Riviera: Time for your booster!
Mr. Burns: Good morning starshine...

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Scully: Now we're gonna run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector. We'll just ask you some questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes.
[lie detector explodes]

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Mulder: Are we alone in the universe? Impossible. When you consider the wonders that exist all around us... voodoo priests of Haiti, the Tibetan numerologists of Appalachia, the unsolved mysteries of Unsolved Mysteries... The truth it out there.

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Lisa: All right! It's time for ABC's "TGIF" line-up!
Bart Simpson: Lise, when you get a little older, you'll learn that Friday is just another day between NBC's "Must See Thursday" and CBS' "Saturday night craporama".

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