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"The Simpsons" The Mansion Family (TV Episode 2000) Poster

(TV Series)

(2000)

Quotes

Homer Simpson: Oh why won't anyone give me an award?

Lisa Simpson: You won a Grammy.

Homer Simpson: I mean an award that's worth something.

[announcement on the bottom of the screen- Legal Disclaimer: Mr. Simpson's opinions do not reflect those of the producers, who don't consider the Grammy an award at all]

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Montgomery Burns: Smithers, this monkey is going to need most of your skin.

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Pirate Captain: And now, back to secret pirate island- Hong Kong.

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Marge Simpson: This all seems a little elaborate for sloppy joe's. Hmm, I know what the other eleven forks are for, but what do you do with this one?

Homer Simpson: Why Marge, I believe you're supposed to scratch your ass with it.

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[the Simpsons are housesitting at Mr. Burns' mansion. They are eating dinner at Mr. Burns' oversized dinner table]

Marge: This all seems a little elaborate for Sloppy Joes. I know what the other 12 forks are for, but I don't know what to do with this one.

Homer: Why Marge my dear, I believe you are supposed to scratch your ass with it.

Marge: Homer!

[scratches rear with fork]

Marge: Ooh...

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[the Simpsons are housesitting at Mr. Burns' mansion. They are eating dinner at Mr. Burns' oversized dinner table]

Marge: This all seems a little elaborate for Sloppy Joes. I know what the other eleven forks are for, but what do you do with this one?

Homer: [speaking as a snob] Why Marge, I believe you are supposed to scratch your ass with it.

Marge: Homer, watch your lang...

[scratches rear with fork]

Marge: Ooh... that's a lifesaver!

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Mr. Burns: If the house catches fire, call this number.

Marge: Uh-huh. The fire department.

Mr. Burns: Yes. They're new. But they're good.

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Marge: Homer, did you jimmy open Mr. Burns' liquor cabinet?

Homer: Ooh "Jimmy" is such an ugly word, Marge. Unless you're talking about Jimmy Smits.

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[filing out medical forms]

Mr. Burns: Social security number? Naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, 2. Damn Roosevelt. Cause of parents death? Got in my way.

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[the city of Springfield is having an illegal party in the ocean, about 300 yards from American territorial waters]

Bart: [on megaphone] What are you gonna do now, Coast Guard? Huh? You can't arrest us or do anything to us. Lousy Americans...

Coast Guard: [on megaphone] We can't hear you. Come 300 yards closer.

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Marge Simpson: Stop that! Cigars are for rich people and legendary comedians like Bill Crosby and David Letterson

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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