Russian Representative: The Soviet Union will be pleased to offer amnesty to your wayward vessel.
United States Representative: Soviet Union? I thought you guys broke up.
Russian Representative: Nyet! That's what we wanted you to think, hahahahahaha!
Homer Simpson: I've joined the Naval Reserve.
Barney: I'm not going to let anything happen to my best friend. I'm joining too.
Moe: I'm not going to let anything happen to my two best customers, I'm joining, too.
Apu: Even though my religion strictly forbids military service, what the hey.
Naval Recruiter: Just fill out this form, and you're on your way to the reserve.
Homer Simpson: There's a question that's crossed out.
Naval Recruiter: Well... due to a recent presidential order, we're not allowed to ask that particular question.
Homer Simpson: I think I can make it out.
Homer Simpson: "Are you a homosex..."
Naval Recruiter: [interrupts] For God's sake, don't answer that, I could go to jail!
Homer Simpson: But I'm not a homose...
Naval Recruiter: [covers his ears and sings loudly] La, la, la, la, la, la, la, I am not lis-ten-ing! La, la, la, la, la...
Homer Simpson: Nice fella. I wonder if he's gay?
[Homer is watching a television ad for the Naval Reserve]
Naval Recruiter: Daybreak, Jakarta. The proud men and women of the Navy are protecting America's interests overseas, but you're in Lubbock, Texas hosing down a statue, because your in the Naval Reserve. Once you complete basic training, you only work one weekend a month, and most of that time your drunk of your ass. The Naval Reserve: America's 17th line of defense, between the Mississippi National Guard, and the American League of Women Voters.
Drill Sergeant: Look soldier, you don't like me, and I don't like you.
Homer: I like you.
Drill Sergeant: Well, I don't like you.
Homer: Maybe you'd like me if you got to know me better.
[onboard a submarine]
Homer Simpson: Mr. Moe, prepare to surface.
Moe: You want to stop calling me Mr. Moe?
Homer Simpson: No.
Marge: What on earth possessed you to get an earring?
Bart: Milhouse has one.
Marge: If Milhouse jumped off a cliff...
Bart: Milhouse jumped off a cliff? I'm there.
Homer: Get back here, boy. You're a disgrace to this family and its proud naval tradition.
Bart: Well, I'm keeping this earring and you can't stop me.
Homer: Oh... I always thought Lisa would be the one to get her ears pierced.
Lisa: Can I?
[Homer and Moe are serving on a nuclear sub]
Homer: Damage report, Mr. Moe.
Moe: Sonar: out. Navigation: out. Radio: out.
Homer: Enough of what's out. What's in?
Moe: Ice-blended moccha drinks and David Schwimmer.
Homer: Yes, he is handsome in an ugly sort of way.
Kent Brockman: Could Homer Simpson be a communist? His father spoke out on his behalf.
Grampa Simpson: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is *not* a porn star!
[Bart has an earring]
Bart: Come on, Homer, didn't you ever do anything crazy when you were my age?
Homer: Well, yeah, when I was 10, I got my ear pierced. But this is completely different.
Milhouse: Hey Bart, check out my new earring. Pretty cool, huh?
Bart: Milhouse, my mom wears earrings. Do you think she's cool?
Milhouse: No, I think she's HOT! Sorry, it just slipped out.
[Bart has had his ear pierced]
Lisa: An earring, how rebellious. In a conformist sort of way.
[before setting sail on a submarine]
Captain Tenille: Any questions?
Homer: Is a poop deck what I think it is?
Captain Tenille: [laughing] I like the cut of your jib.
Homer: What's a jib?
Captain Tenille: Promote that man at once.
Jimbo Jones: Hey look. Milhouse has an earring.
[everyone on the bus starts chanting Milhouse's name in recognition of his newfound coolness]
Bart: Hey, if you want cool, check this out.
[singing and dancing]
Bart: Everybody if you can do the Bart, Man. Shake your body turn it out if you can, can. Do the Bart, Man, yeah.
Ralph: That is so 1991.