(TV Series)



[repeated line]

Homer Simpson: It's my first day.

Lenin: Must crush capitalism!

Russian Representative: The Soviet Union will be pleased to offer amnesty to your wayward vessel.

United States Representative: Soviet Union? I thought you guys broke up.

Russian Representative: Nyet! That's what we wanted you to think, hahahahahaha!

[onboard a submarine]

Homer Simpson: Mr. Moe, prepare to surface.

Moe: You want to stop calling me Mr. Moe?

Homer Simpson: No.

Kent Brockman: Could Homer Simpson be a communist? His father spoke out on his behalf.

Grampa Simpson: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is *not* a porn star!

Naval Recruiter: Just fill out this form, and you're on your way to the reserve.

Homer Simpson: There's a question that's crossed out.

Naval Recruiter: Well... due to a recent presidential order, we're not allowed to ask that particular question.

Homer Simpson: I think I can make it out.


Homer Simpson: "Are you a homosex..."

Naval Recruiter: [interrupts] For God's sake, don't answer that, I could go to jail!

Homer Simpson: But I'm not a homose...

Naval Recruiter: [covers his ears and sings loudly] La, la, la, la, la, la, la, I am not lis-ten-ing! La, la, la, la, la...


Homer Simpson: Nice fella. I wonder if he's gay?

[Homer is watching a television ad for the Naval Reserve]

Naval Recruiter: Daybreak, Jakarta. The proud men and women of the Navy are protecting America's interests overseas, but you're in Lubbock, Texas hosing down a statue, because your in the Naval Reserve. Once you complete basic training, you only work one weekend a month, and most of that time your drunk of your ass. The Naval Reserve: America's 17th line of defense, between the Mississippi National Guard, and the American League of Women Voters.

Milhouse: Hey Bart, check out my new earring. Pretty cool, huh?

Bart: Milhouse, my mom wears earrings. Do you think she's cool?

Milhouse: No, I think she's HOT! Sorry, it just slipped out.

Drill Sergeant: Look soldier, you don't like me, and I don't like you.

Homer: I like you.

Drill Sergeant: Well, I don't like you.

Homer: Maybe you'd like me if you got to know me better.

Homer Simpson: I've joined the Naval Reserve.

Barney: I'm not going to let anything happen to my best friend. I'm joining too.

Moe: I'm not going to let anything happen to my two best customers, I'm joining, too.

Apu: Even though my religion strictly forbids military service, what the hey.

[Homer and Moe are serving on a nuclear sub]

Homer: Damage report, Mr. Moe.

Moe: Sonar: out. Navigation: out. Radio: out.

Homer: Enough of what's out. What's in?

Moe: Ice-blended moccha drinks and David Schwimmer.

Homer: Yes, he is handsome in an ugly sort of way.

[Bart has had his ear pierced]

Lisa: An earring, how rebellious. In a conformist sort of way.

[before setting sail on a submarine]

Captain Tenille: Any questions?

Homer: Is a poop deck what I think it is?

Captain Tenille: [laughing] I like the cut of your jib.

Homer: What's a jib?

Captain Tenille: Promote that man at once.

Jimbo Jones: Hey look. Milhouse has an earring.

[everyone on the bus starts chanting Milhouse's name in recognition of his newfound coolness]

Bart: Hey, if you want cool, check this out.

[singing and dancing]

Bart: Everybody if you can do the Bart, Man. Shake your body turn it out if you can, can. Do the Bart, Man, yeah.

Ralph: That is so 1991.

Giant Donut: Mmmm, Homer!

Marge: What on earth possessed you to get an earring?

Bart: Milhouse has one.

Marge: If Milhouse jumped off a cliff...

Bart: Milhouse jumped off a cliff? I'm there.

Homer: Get back here, boy. You're a disgrace to this family and its proud naval tradition.

Bart: Well, I'm keeping this earring and you can't stop me.

Homer: Oh... I always thought Lisa would be the one to get her ears pierced.

Lisa: Can I?

Homer: No.

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[Bart has an earring]

Bart: Come on, Homer, didn't you ever do anything crazy when you were my age?

Homer: Well, yeah, when I was 10, I got my ear pierced. But this is completely different.

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Bart: But mom, Milhouse's doing it.

Marge: If Milhouse jumped off a cliff would you do it?

Bart: Milhouse jumped off a cliff? I'm there!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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