The Simpsons (TV Series)

Simpson Tide (1998)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Donut Attorney, Giant Donut, Barney, Pastry Chef, Grampa, Mrs. Gumble, Corn Vendor, Lenin, Jack Marley

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kent Brockman : Could Homer Simpson be a communist? His father spoke out on his behalf.

  Grampa Simpson : My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is *not* a porn star!

• Drill Sergeant : Look soldier, you don't like me, and I don't like you.

  Homer : I like you.

  Drill Sergeant : Well, I don't like you.

  Homer : Maybe you'd like me if you got to know me better.

• Lenin : Must crush capitalism!

• [before setting sail on a submarine] 

  Captain Tenille : Any questions?

  Homer : Is a poop deck what I think it is?

  Captain Tenille : [laughing]  I like the cut of your jib.

  Homer : What's a jib?

  Captain Tenille : Promote that man.

• [Bart has an earring] 

  Bart : Come on, Homer, didn't you ever do anything crazy when you were my age?

  Homer : Well, yeah, when I was 10, I got my ear pierced. But this is completely different.

• Naval Recruiter : Just fill out this form, and you're on your way to the reserve.

  Homer Simpson : There's a question that's crossed out.

  Naval Recruiter : Well... due to a recent presidential order, we're not allowed to ask that particular question.

  Homer Simpson : I think I can make it out.

  [reads] 

  Homer Simpson : "Are you a homosex..."

  Naval Recruiter : [interrupts]  For God's sake, don't answer that, I could go to jail!

  Homer Simpson : But I'm not a homose...

  Naval Recruiter : [covers his ears and sings loudly]  La, la, la, la, la, la, la, I am not lis-ten-ing! La, la, la, la, la...

  [exits] 

  Homer Simpson : Nice fella. I wonder if he's gay?

• [onboard a submarine] 

  Homer Simpson : Mr. Moe, prepare to surface.

  Moe : You want to stop calling me Mr. Moe?

  Homer Simpson : No.

• [repeated line] 

  Homer Simpson : It's my first day.

• [Homer and Moe are serving on a nuclear sub] 

  Homer : Damage report, Mr. Moe.

  Moe : Sonar: out. Navigation: out. Radio: out.

  Homer : Enough of what's out. What's in?

  Moe : Ice-blended moccha drinks and David Schwimmer.

  Homer : Yes, he is handsome in an ugly sort of way.

• Homer Simpson : I've joined the Naval Reserve.

  Barney : I'm not going to let anything happen to my best friend. I'm joining too.

  Moe : I'm not going to let anything happen to my two best customers, I'm joining, too.

  Apu : Even though my religion strictly forbids military service, what the hey.

• Smithers : [after a disaster involving a donut]  Uh, sir, we found the problem. Some idiot threw this in the reactor core.

  Homer : Success!

  Mr. Burns : [incredulous]  *You* did this? How could you be so irresponsible?

  Homer : Uh, it's my first day.

  Mr. Burns : Since I've never seen you before, maybe it is your first day. Very well! Carry on.

  [begins to walk away] 

  Smithers : Uh, sir. That's Homer Simpson. He's been working here for ten years!

  Mr. Burns : [walking back to Homer]  Oh really! Why did you think you could lie to me?

  Homer : It's my first day.

  Mr. Burns : Well, why didn't you say...

  Mr. Burns : [realizes]  WHOA! YOU'RE FIRED!

• Giant Donut : Mmmm, Homer!

• Marge : What on earth possessed you to get an earring?

  Bart : Milhouse has one.

  Marge : If Milhouse jumped off a cliff...

  Bart : Milhouse jumped off a cliff? I'm there.

  Homer : Get back here, boy. You're a disgrace to this family and its proud naval tradition.

  Bart : Well, I'm keeping this earring and you can't stop me.

  Homer : Oh... I always thought Lisa would be the one to get her ears pierced.

  Lisa : Can I?

  Homer : No.

• Naval Captain : Attention, Homer Simpson: you have ten seconds to explain yourself before we open fire.

  Homer Simpson : [into megaphone]  Umm... it's my first day!

  [Captain and crew laugh] 

  Homer Simpson : [to Spanish fleet]  Es mi dia primero!

  [Captain and crew laugh] 

  Homer Simpson : [to Chinese fleet]  Pu gong quan chu chon gong tshoo!

  [Captain and crew laugh] 

  Homer Simpson : [to S.S. Antarctica]  Quack, quack, quack.

  [penguins chuckle] 

• Homer Simpson : [Keeps to get angry at his son has ear pierced, and thinks about it on board of the submarine sinking after a pinhole leak] 

  Bart : Dad? The earring could plug the hole.

  Homer Simpson : I'll plug your hole!

  [thinks a little] 

  Homer Simpson : I mean, eureka!

• Grampa Simpson : I was on PT 109 with John F. Kennedy. I was the first to discover his *terrible* secret.

  John F. Kennedy : [flashback]  Ich bin ein Berliner.

  Grampa Simpson : [gasp]  He's a Nazi! Get him!

  [Grampa and the men advance on Kennedy and beat him up] 

• Homer : [while in recruit training, he is tying a knot]  There. The perfect sheepshank.

  Drill Sergeant : Very nice, Simpson. But next time, tie the other end to the ship!

  Homer : [a vessel goes down a waterfall; the crew scream as they plummet]  Ohh!