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Quotes

[Superintendant Chalmers sees Principal Skinner's kitchen on fire]

Superintendant Chalmers: Good Lord, what is happening in there?

Principal Skinner: The Aurora Borealis?

Superintendant Chalmers: The Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?

Principal Skinner: Yes.

Superintendant Chalmers: May I see it?

Principal Skinner: No.

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Lou: I went to the McDonald's over in Shelbyville the other day.

Chief Wiggum: The Mc-what?

Lou: Yeah, I never heard of it either but they say they have over 2,000 locations in this state alone.

Eddie: Hmm... Must've sprung up over night.

Lou: But you know, it's the little differences.

Chief Wiggum: Example.

Lou: Well, at a McDonald's you can get a Krusty Burger with cheese. But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.

Chief Wiggum: Get out. What do they call it?

Lou: A "Quarter Pounder" with cheese.

Chief Wiggum: "Quarter Pounder" with cheese? Well, I can see the cheese but? do they have Krusty's "Partially Gelatinated, Non-Dairy, Gum-Based Beverages"?

Lou: Yeah, they call them "shakes."

Eddie: Huh. "Shakes." You don't know what you're gettin'.

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Principal Skinner: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamburgers.

Superintendant Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.

Principal Skinner: Oh, no, I said, "steamed hams." That's what I call hamburgers.

Superintendant Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams.

Principal Skinner: Yes, it's a regional dialect.

Superintendant Chalmers: Uh-huh. What region?

Principal Skinner: Uh, upstate New York.

Superintendant Chalmers: Really. Well, I'm from Utica and I never heard anyone the phrase, "steamed hams."

Principal Skinner: Oh, not in Utica, no; it's an Albany expression.

Superintendant Chalmers: I see.

[Chalmers takes a bite of the "steamed ham"]

Superintendant Chalmers: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.

Principal Skinner: Oh, no, patented Skinner Burgers. Old family recipe.

Superintendant Chalmers: For steamed hams.

Principal Skinner: Yes

Superintendant Chalmers: Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.

[shows Skinner the grill marks]

Principal Skinner: Uh... you know... one thing I sh -... 'scuse me for one second.

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[a very tall man scrunched in a Volkswagen Beetle has just grabbed Nelson after being laughed at]

Tall Man: Do you find something comical about my appearance when I am driving my automobile?

Nelson: Yes.

Tall Man: Everyone needs to drive a vehicle, even the very tall.

[points to his Beetle]

Tall Man: This was the largest auto I could afford. Should I therefore be made the subject of fun, huh?

Nelson: I guess so.

Tall Man: [clears his throat] Would you like it if others laughed at YOUR misfortune, hmm? Maybe we should find out!

Tall Man: [Tall man pulls down Nelson's pants and commands him to walk down the main street] Nowwww march!

Tall Man: [honks his car horn while driving behind Nelson] Hey, everyone! Look at this; it's that boy who laughs at everyone! Let's laugh at him!

[the entire crowd yells HA-HA! at Nelson]

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Hospital Chairman: Dr. Nick, this malpractice committee has received a few complaints against you. Of the 160 gravest charges, the most troubling are performing major operations with a knife and fork from a seafood restaurant.

Dr. Nick: But I cleaned them with my napkin.

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[Pulp Fiction Spoof: Snake is driving Lil' Bandit when he sees Chief Wiggum walk in front of him]

Chief Wiggum: [singing] Donuts, I got donuts, I got...

[Notices Snake]

Chief Wiggum: Hey I know you!

[Snake purposely runs him over, crashes his car and then flees]

Chief Wiggum: Hey wait up! We gotta swap insurance info!

[They chase each other into a pawn shop]

Herman: [Holding them at gunpoint] Looks like the spider caught himself a couples of flies.

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Cletus, the slack jawed yokel: [while hanging from a telephone poll] Hey, I can call my ma from up here.

[shouts]

Cletus, the slack jawed yokel: Yo ma, get off the dang roof!

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Moe: Say, Barn. Uh, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?

Barney: Oh ho, oh yeah. We all had a good laugh, Moe.

Moe: The results came back today.

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Waylon Smithers: I'm allergic to bee stings, they cause me to... uh... die.

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Comic Book Guy: You may purchase this charming Hamburglar Adventure. A child has already solved the jumble using crayons. The answer is 'fries'.

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[the Professor Fink theme song]

Professor Frink: Professor Fink, Professor Fink/He'll make you laugh/He'll make you think/He likes to run and then the thing with the... person.

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Snake: [busts open a loaded cash register] Oh... Good-bye student loan payments.

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Apu: I'm gonna party like its on sale for $19.99

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Lisa Simpson: Mom, someone threw gum in my hair!

Marge Simpson: Are you sure? Maybe it's just shampoo. That washes right out.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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