Bart: You could be my father figure.
Homer: No way. I'm not getting my finger prints on that train wreck.
Chief Wiggum: Well, boys, it looks like we solved the mystery of the missing ham.
Marge: You guys are the world's worst cops!
Chief Wiggum: No, now that I'm off-duty, I'm the world's worst soccer coach.
Grampa: [banging a slipper against a pot in a state of senility]
Grampa: The Swedish are coming! The Swedish are coming!