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(TV Series)

(1993)

Quotes

[Homer needs to leave the house in a hurry]

Bart: You're right, Dad. We don't need a babysitter.

Homer: Wait a minute!

[He takes a card out of his pocket and reads it: "Always Do Opposite Of What Bart Says"]

Homer: You kids DO need a babysitter!

Bart: Blast that infernal card!

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Ruth Powers: [returning a power sander] Thanks, Marge. When my husband left he took all our power tools... along with the car, my youth, my faith in mankind... well, see ya.

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Marge Simpson: Homer, please, you know how hard it is for me to make friends.

[Flashback: Marge is seated in the living room, having tea with a group of ladies, laughing]

Marge's Friend: Oh Marge, we should do this every week.

[Homer runs in wearing Bermuda shorts and a "NO FAT CHICKS" t-shirt and carrying a skunk]

Homer: Marge, I got sprayed by this skunk!

[splutters]

Homer: Oh look, it's doing it again!

[screaming, the women scatter]

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[Homer's arms are stuck in pair of vending machines]

Repairman 1#: Homer, there's no easy way to tell you this: I'm afraid I'm gonna have to saw your arms off.

Homer: They'll grow back, right?

Repairman 1#: Oh... yeah.

[He cranks up the rotary saw and moves it toward Homer's arm... ]

Repairman 2#: Wait a minute. Homer, are you just holding on to the can?

Homer: Your point being...?

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Ruth Powers: I envy you and Homer.

Marge Simpson: Thank you!

[pause]

Marge Simpson: Why?

Ruth Powers: If you met my ex-husband you'd know. All he did was sit around, watch TV and drink beer.

Marge Simpson: Your point being...?

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[Ruth arrives to pick up Marge, driving a convertible and wearing a leather jacket]

Marge Simpson: You look... nice.

Ruth Powers: Tonight has nothing to do with nice, Marge. Tonight is all about...

[she pops a tape into the stereo: Lesley Gore's "Sunshine, Lollipops..." starts playing]

Ruth Powers: Oh, sorry, Marge, wrong tape.

[she pops another tape in: Guns 'N Roses's "Welcome to the Jungle" blares, and she floors it]

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[as Ruth takes off]

Chief Wiggum: Yessir, looks like we got ourselves an old-fashioned car chase!

[he pops a tape into his stereo. Lesley Gore starts singing: "Sunshine, Lollipops, and..."]

Chief Wiggum: [singing along] Rainbows, everything that's wonderful is what I feel, when we're together! Brighter than a lucky penny, when you're near dear, the rain clouds disappear, dear, and I feel so fine, just to know that you are mine!

[Homer, riding in the backseat, also sings along]

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[Wiggum's car plunges into a landfill]

Chief Wiggum: And to think, those stupid environmentalists were protesting this landfill.

Homer: Solid waste. I could kiss you.

[kiss it]

Homer: EWWW...

[kisses it]

Homer: OOH...

[kisses it]

Homer: BLECH...

[kisses it]

Homer: OOH, I think this was pizza...

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Kent Brockman: At the risk of editorializing, these women are guilty, and must be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion. Otherwise, their behavior could incite other women leading to anarchy of biblical proportions.

[pause, pounds desk]

Kent Brockman: It's in "Revelations", people.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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