[Homer needs to leave the house in a hurry]
Bart: You're right, Dad. We don't need a babysitter.
Homer: Wait a minute!
[He takes a card out of his pocket and reads it: "Always Do Opposite Of What Bart Says"]
Homer: You kids DO need a babysitter!
Bart: Blast that infernal card!
Ruth Powers: [returning a power sander] Thanks, Marge. When my husband left he took all our power tools... along with the car, my youth, my faith in mankind... well, see ya.
Marge Simpson: Homer, please, you know how hard it is for me to make friends.
[Flashback: Marge is seated in the living room, having tea with a group of ladies, laughing]
Marge's Friend: Oh Marge, we should do this every week.
[Homer runs in wearing Bermuda shorts and a "NO FAT CHICKS" t-shirt and carrying a skunk]
Homer: Marge, I got sprayed by this skunk!
Homer: Oh look, it's doing it again!
[screaming, the women scatter]
[Homer's arms are stuck in pair of vending machines]
Repairman 1#: Homer, there's no easy way to tell you this: I'm afraid I'm gonna have to saw your arms off.
Homer: They'll grow back, right?
Repairman 1#: Oh... yeah.
[He cranks up the rotary saw and moves it toward Homer's arm... ]
Repairman 2#: Wait a minute. Homer, are you just holding on to the can?
Homer: Your point being...?
Ruth Powers: I envy you and Homer.
Marge Simpson: Thank you!
Marge Simpson: Why?
Ruth Powers: If you met my ex-husband you'd know. All he did was sit around, watch TV and drink beer.
Marge Simpson: Your point being...?
[Ruth arrives to pick up Marge, driving a convertible and wearing a leather jacket]
Marge Simpson: You look... nice.
Ruth Powers: Tonight has nothing to do with nice, Marge. Tonight is all about...
[she pops a tape into the stereo: Lesley Gore's "Sunshine, Lollipops..." starts playing]
Ruth Powers: Oh, sorry, Marge, wrong tape.
[she pops another tape in: Guns 'N Roses's "Welcome to the Jungle" blares, and she floors it]
[as Ruth takes off]
Chief Wiggum: Yessir, looks like we got ourselves an old-fashioned car chase!
[he pops a tape into his stereo. Lesley Gore starts singing: "Sunshine, Lollipops, and..."]
Chief Wiggum: [singing along] Rainbows, everything that's wonderful is what I feel, when we're together! Brighter than a lucky penny, when you're near dear, the rain clouds disappear, dear, and I feel so fine, just to know that you are mine!
[Homer, riding in the backseat, also sings along]
[Wiggum's car plunges into a landfill]
Chief Wiggum: And to think, those stupid environmentalists were protesting this landfill.
Homer: Solid waste. I could kiss you.
Homer: OOH, I think this was pizza...
Kent Brockman: At the risk of editorializing, these women are guilty, and must be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion. Otherwise, their behavior could incite other women leading to anarchy of biblical proportions.
[pause, pounds desk]
Kent Brockman: It's in "Revelations", people.