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"The Simpsons" Lisa's Rival (TV Episode 1994) Poster

(TV Series)

(1994)

Quotes

Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme?

Homer: Never, Marge. Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"

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Homer: Een America, first you get da suger. Den you get de money. Den you get de power. Den you get de weemen.

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Beekeeper 1: Well, sure is quiet in here today.

Beekeeper 2: Yes, a little too quiet, if you know what I mean.

Beekeeper 1: Hmm... I'm afraid I don't.

Beekeeper 2: You see, bees usually make a lot of noise. No noise - suggests no bees!

Beekeeper 1: Oh, I understand now.

[a bee flies by]

Beekeeper 1: Oh look, there goes one now.

Beekeeper 2: To the Beemobile!

Beekeeper 1: You mean your Chevy?

Beekeeper 2: [pause] Yes.

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Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food

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Professor Taylor: Hi Lisa. I'm Alison's father, Professor Taylor. I've heard great things about you.

Lisa: Oh really? I...

Professor Taylor: Oh, don't be modest. I'm glad we have someone who can join us in our anagram game.

Alison Taylor: We take proper names and rearrange the letters to form a description of that person.

Professor Taylor: Like, er... oh, I don't know, uh... Alec Guinness.

Alison Taylor: [thinking] Genuine class.

Professor Taylor: Ho ho, very good. Alright Lisa, um... Jeremy Irons.

Lisa: [looks worried] Jeremy's... iron.

Professor Taylor: Mm hmm, well, that's... very good... for a first try. You know what? I have a ball. Perhaps you'd like to bounce it?

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Bart Simpson: [in small tape recorder] Note for later. Put rubber spider down Lisa's dress.

[laughs at that, clicks tape player off and then hesitates a few seconds, and then turns the recorder back on to laugh a few more times]

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[Lisa fears a new girl in school is more talented than she]

Marge: Believe me, honey. She's more scared of you than you are of her.

Lisa: You're thinking of bears, mom.

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Homer: Bad bees. Get away from my sugar. Ow. OW. Oh, they're defending themselves somehow.

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Homer: Oh yeah, Marge? You said I wouldn't make any money. Well, I made a dollar while waiting for the bus.

Marge: While you were out making that dollar, you lost forty dollars by not going to work. And the plant called and said that if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday.

Homer: WOOHOO! Four day weekend.

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Homer: Bart, if foodstuffs should touch the ground, said foodstuffs shall be turned over to the village idiot. Since I don't see him around, start shoveling.

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[Millhouse is at gunpoint near the end of a water tube leading to the water falls of a dam]

Milhouse Van Houten: But I tell, I'm innocent.

FBI Guy: I don't care.

Milhouse Van Houten: [looks down at the water and jumps. Its a very long fall as he's yelping the whole way down, finally he lands]

Milhouse Van Houten: [weakly] My glasses.

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Bart Simpson: I couldn't find much on our rivalry, but I did manage to get Millhouse on America's Most Wanted.

Agent 1#: [driving toward school sees Millhouse playing on monkey bars] There he is on the monkey bars. Try to take him out alive.

[the other FBI guy jams the gas pedal down and heads right towards the monkey bars. Many other children stat to flee while screaming]

Milhouse Van Houten: Oh no! Not again.

[jumps off just in time as the car smashes into them, causing them to break into a dozen parts]

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Principal Skinner: [Bart is creating a diversion] Bart, stop creating a diversion and get out of here!

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Ralph: I bent my wookie.

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Bart: Lis, can you keep it down? I'm in the middle of a crank call here.

Principal Skinner: [on phone] Actually, my refrigerator *wasn't* running. You've saved me quite a bit of spoilage. Thank you, anonymous young man.

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Bart: [after her diorama blows out the window, Lisa is sure she will lose to Alison unless she does something. Consoling her, Bart draws up a plan] Tomorrow morning when Alison steps out of her house, we spray her with the hose, soaking her head to foot, well leaving us relatively dry.

Lisa: Relatively?

Bart: Well, there's bound to be some splash back.

Lisa: Bart, her being wet isn't going to help me win the contest!

Bart: [slyly] Well, we could sabotage her diorama, making her look bad in front of the entire school.

Lisa: [positively gleeful] Perfect!

Bart: And leaving her with the most dramatic soaking of her life!

Lisa: Enough with the hose!

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Lisa: [Lisa turns a fan on to demonstrate a snow storm over her complete diarama. It promptly tilts, then blows out the window] Is it okay?

Bart Simpson: [looks out the window, then turns back to Lisa] The important thing is that we survived.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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