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Memorable quotes for
"The Simpsons" Lisa the Vegetarian (1995)

Lisa: I still stand by my beliefs. But I can't defend what I did. I'm sorry I messed up your barbeque.
Homer: I understand honey. I used to believe in things when I was a kid.

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Homer: Lisa! Lisa! Come back before everyone finds out what a horrible father I am.
Lisa: Hi dad. Looking for me?
Homer: I don't know. You looking for me?
Lisa: I don't know.
Homer: Ohhhh. Lisa. I was looking for you. I wanted to apologize. I don't know exactly what went wrong but it's always my fault.
Lisa: Actually Dad, this time, I was wrong...
Homer: Oooh!
Lisa: ...too.
Homer: Ohh.
Lisa: While I was gone I got some really good advice from Paul and Linda McCartney.
Homer: Rock stars. Is there anything they don't know?
Lisa: I still stand by my beliefs. But I can't defend what I did. I'm sorry I messed up your barbeque.
Homer: I understand honey. I used to believe in things when I was a kid. Come on, I'll give you a piggyback... I mean a veggieback ride home.

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Lisa: I never realized before, but some Itchy & Scratchy cartoons send the message that violence against animals is funny.
Bart: They what? Cartoons don't have messages, Lisa.
[moves toward door]
Bart: They're just a bunch of hilarious stuff you know, like people getting hurt and stuff, stuff like that.
[Bart gets slammed behind the door by Homer]
Homer: Look kids! I just got my party invitiations back from the printers.
Lisa: [reading the invitation] "Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB."
Bart: What's that extra B for?
Homer: It's a typo.
Lisa: Dad! Can't you have some other type of party, one where you don't serve meat?
Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.
Bart: [musically] You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!
Bart, Homer: You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!
Bart, Homer, Marge: You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!
Lisa: Mom!
Marge: I don't mean to take sides, I just got caught up in the rhythm.

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Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

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Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.
Lisa: Why don't you just eat him, Dad?
Homer: I don't need any serving suggestions from you! You barbeque-wrecking, know-nothing know-it-all!
Lisa: That's IT! I can't live in a house with this prehistoric carnivore. I am out of here!
[leaves and slams the door]
Homer: That's it! Go to your room!

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Apu: And Paul here wrote a song called "Live and Let Live".
Paul McCartney: Actually Apu, it was "Live and Let Die".
Apu: Whatever, it had a good rhythm.

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[Ned Flanders is having a Family Reunion]
Homer: Hey, Flanders.
Entire Flanders Family: Hiddily-Ho, Neighbourino.
Homer: Shut-up.
Entire Flanders Family: Okily-Dokily.

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[Lisa has stolen the rotisserie pig from Homer's barbeque]
Marge: Bart! No!
Bart: [Bart has done nothing] What?
Marge: Sorry, force of habit. Lisa! No!

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Principal Skinner: Uh oh. Two independent thought alarms in one day. The students are overstimulated. Willie! Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.
Groundskeeper Willie: I warned ya! Didn't I warn ya? That colored chalk was forged by Lucifer himself.

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Mr. Burns: You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to the local orphanage. When pigs fly!
[both Burns and Smithers start laughing, but then a pig flies by their window]
Smithers: Will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?
Mr. Burns: Hmm, no I'd still prefer not.

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Bart, Homer: [chanting] You don't win friends with salad, you don't win friends with salad, you don't win friends with salad...

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[Homer is scanning the sky with binoculars, looking for his pig]
Bart: Give it up, Dad. Piggy ain't coming back.
[Homer growls and throws the binoculars into the garbage]
Homer: Lisa! You ruined my barbeque! I demand you apologize this second!
Lisa: I'm never ever apologizing because I was standing up for a just cause and you were wrong, wrong, wrong! Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to my room!
Homer: That's it! Go to your room!

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[Homer fills the grill with lighter fluid and prepares to grill]
Lisa: Wait Dad! Good news, everyone! You don't have to eat meat! I've got enough gazpacho for everyone.
[Crowd murmurs]
Lisa: It's tomato soup, served ice cold!
[Crowd laughs out loud as Lisa growls and stomps off]
Barney Gumble: Go back to Russia!

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[Apu reveals the entrance to his secret garden]
Lisa: Wow, a hidden staircase. But what do you do if someone wants a non-alcoholic beer?
Apu: You know, it's never come up...

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[educational film: "The Meat Council Presents... Meat and You: Partners in Freedom. Number 3F03 in the 'Resistance is Useless' series."]
Troy McClure: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such educational films as "Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun" and "Firecrackers: The Silent Killer".

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[Lisa's been sent to her room and Homer flips a burger way to high]
Lisa: It's bad enough they're eating meat. They don't have to throw it in my face.
[Homer's burger lands on Lisa's face]

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Lisa: When will all those fools learn that you can be perfectly healthy simply eating vegetables, fruits, grains and cheese.
Apu: Oh, cheese!
Lisa: You don't eat cheese, Apu
Apu: No I don't eat any food that comes from an animal.
Lisa: Ohh, then you must think I'm a monster!
Apu: Yes indeed I do think that. But, I learned long ago Lisa to tolerate others rather than forcing my beliefs on them. You know you can influence people without badgering them always.

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Ralph Wiggum: When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University!

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[Homer and Bart are chasing the rolling rotisserie pig. It rolls through some bushes]
Homer: It's just a little dirty! It's still good, it's still good!
[the cart falls off the edge of a drainage culvert, and the pig floats down the stream]
Homer: It's just a little slimy! It's still good, it's still good!
[the pig reaches a dam at the end of the stream and plugs the drain hole. The water pressure builds up behind it, until it launches out of the hole into the air]
Homer: It's just a little airborne! It's still good, it's still good!
Bart: It's gone.
Homer: I know.

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