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"The Simpsons" Lisa the Vegetarian (TV Episode 1995) Poster

(TV Series)

(1995)

Quotes

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Ham?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Pork chops?

Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.

Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Homer: Lisa! Lisa! Come back before everyone finds out what a horrible father I am.

Lisa: Hi dad. Looking for me?

Homer: I don't know. You looking for me?

Lisa: I don't know.

Homer: Ohhhh. Lisa. I was looking for you. I wanted to apologize. I don't know exactly what went wrong but it's always my fault.

Lisa: Actually Dad, this time, I was wrong...

Homer: Oooh!

Lisa: ...too.

Homer: Ohh.

Lisa: While I was gone I got some really good advice from Paul and Linda McCartney.

Homer: Rock stars. Is there anything they don't know?

Lisa: I still stand by my beliefs. But I can't defend what I did. I'm sorry I messed up your barbeque.

Homer: I understand honey. I used to believe in things when I was a kid. Come on, I'll give you a piggyback... I mean a veggieback ride home.

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?

Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.

Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.

Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?

Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.

Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.

Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.

Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.

Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.

Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.

Homer: Bart, go to your room.

Lisa: Why don't you just eat him, Dad?

Homer: I don't need any serving suggestions from you! You barbeque-wrecking, know-nothing know-it-all!

Lisa: That's IT! I can't live in a house with this prehistoric carnivore. I am out of here!

[leaves and slams the door]

Homer: That's it! Go to your room!

[Lisa has stolen the rotisserie pig from Homer's barbeque]

Marge: Bart! No!

Bart: [Bart has done nothing] What?

Marge: Sorry, force of habit. Lisa! No!

Lisa: I still stand by my beliefs. But I can't defend what I did. I'm sorry I messed up your barbeque.

Homer: I understand honey. I used to believe in things when I was a kid.

Lisa: I never realized before, but some Itchy & Scratchy cartoons send the message that violence against animals is funny.

Bart: They what? Cartoons don't have messages, Lisa.

[moves toward door]

Bart: They're just a bunch of hilarious stuff you know, like people getting hurt and stuff, stuff like that.

[Bart gets slammed behind the door by Homer]

Homer: Look kids! I just got my party invitiations back from the printers.

Lisa: [reading the invitation] "Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB."

Bart: What's that extra B for?

Homer: It's a typo.

Lisa: Dad! Can't you have some other type of party, one where you don't serve meat?

Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

Bart: [musically] You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!

BartHomer: You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!

BartHomerMarge: You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!

Lisa: Mom!

Marge: I don't mean to take sides, I just got caught up in the rhythm.

Apu: And Paul here wrote a song called "Live and Let Live".

Paul McCartney: Actually Apu, it was "Live and Let Die".

Apu: Whatever, it had a good rhythm.

[Ned Flanders is having a Family Reunion]

Homer: Hey, Flanders.

Entire Flanders Family: Hiddily-Ho, Neighbourino.

Homer: Shut-up.

Entire Flanders Family: Okily-Dokily.

Principal Skinner: Uh oh. Two independent thought alarms in one day. The students are overstimulated. Willie! Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.

Groundskeeper Willie: I warned ya! Didn't I warn ya? That colored chalk was forged by Lucifer himself.

Mr. Burns: You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to the local orphanage. When pigs fly!

[both Burns and Smithers start laughing, but then a pig flies by their window]

Smithers: Will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?

Mr. Burns: Hmm, no I'd still prefer not.

BartHomer: [chanting] You don't win friends with salad, you don't win friends with salad, you don't win friends with salad...

[Homer is scanning the sky with binoculars, looking for his pig]

Bart: Give it up, Dad. Piggy ain't coming back.

[Homer growls and throws the binoculars into the garbage]

Homer: Lisa! You ruined my barbeque! I demand you apologize this second!

Lisa: I'm never ever apologizing because I was standing up for a just cause and you were wrong, wrong, wrong! Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to my room!

Homer: That's it! Go to your room!

[Homer fills the grill with lighter fluid and prepares to grill]

Lisa: Wait Dad! Good news, everyone! You don't have to eat meat! I've got enough gazpacho for everyone.

[Crowd murmurs]

Lisa: It's tomato soup, served ice cold!

[Crowd laughs out loud as Lisa growls and stomps off]

Barney Gumble: Go back to Russia!

[Apu reveals the entrance to his secret garden]

Lisa: Wow, a hidden staircase. But what do you do if someone wants a non-alcoholic beer?

Apu: You know, it's never come up...

[educational film: "The Meat Council Presents... Meat and You: Partners in Freedom. Number 3F03 in the 'Resistance is Useless' series."]

Troy McClure: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such educational films as "Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun" and "Firecrackers: The Silent Killer".

[Lisa's been sent to her room and Homer flips a burger way to high]

Lisa: It's bad enough they're eating meat. They don't have to throw it in my face.

[Homer's burger lands on Lisa's face]

Lisa: When will all those fools learn that you can be perfectly healthy simply eating vegetables, fruits, grains and cheese.

Apu: Oh, cheese!

Lisa: You don't eat cheese, Apu

Apu: No I don't eat any food that comes from an animal.

Lisa: Ohh, then you must think I'm a monster!

Apu: Yes indeed I do think that. But, I learned long ago Lisa to tolerate others rather than forcing my beliefs on them. You know you can influence people without badgering them always.

Ralph Wiggum: When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University!

[Homer and Bart are chasing the rolling rotisserie pig. It rolls through some bushes]

Homer: It's just a little dirty! It's still good, it's still good!

[the cart falls off the edge of a drainage culvert, and the pig floats down the stream]

Homer: It's just a little slimy! It's still good, it's still good!

[the pig reaches a dam at the end of the stream and plugs the drain hole. The water pressure builds up behind it, until it launches out of the hole into the air]

Homer: It's just a little airborne! It's still good, it's still good!

Bart: It's gone.

Homer: I know.

Lisa: Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB.

Bart: Hey, Homer, what's that B for?

Homer: That's a typo.

Homer: Wow, Barney. You brought a whole beer keg.

Barney: Yeah... where do I fill it up?

Homer: [to Lisa] You stupid know-nothing know-it-all.

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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