Homer Simpson: Oh no, this can't be happening. What the hell are we going to do with ten thousand angel ash-trays?
Bart Simpson: I could take up smoking.
Homer Simpson: You damn well better.
Principal Skinner: [over intercom] Attention. All honor roll students will be rewarded by a trip to an archaeological dig. Also, all detention students will be punished with a trip to an archaeological dig.
[Speaking about the skeleton she found]
Lisa: It could be a mutant from the power plant.
Mr. Burns: That's preposterous, everyone knows our mutants have flippers - oops, I've said too much. Smithers, get the amnesia ray.
Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr. Burns: Yes, and be sure to wipe your mind clear when you're done as well.
Lisa: If you believe in angels then why not unicorns or leprechauns?
Kent Brockman: Oh Lisa everyone knows leprechauns are extinct.
Homer Simpson: [singing] Here's the angel, see the angel, it's my angel, no-one elses,next to the rakes!
Kent Brockman: [Over the TV] Coming up next, an hilarious boat give-a-way scam, that's Springfield's Dumbest Criminals!
Homer Simpson: [laughs] Sounds like good watching.
[Discussing Science versus Religion]
Ned Flanders: Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins the movie by telling you how it ends. Well, I say there are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
Moe Szyslak: [after being crushed by a Mastodon tusk] Oh I'm paralyzed. I just hope medical science can cure me.
Ned Flanders: Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends.
Lisa: I don't understand, Professor, why didn't your test show that the skeleton was a fake?
Stephen Jay Gould: I'm going to be honest with you, Lisa, I never did the test.