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"The Simpsons" Lard of the Dance (TV Episode 1998) Poster

(TV Series)

(1998)

Quotes

Homer Simpson: Stop pummeling me, it's really painful!

Groundskeeper Willie: Fine... I'll strangle ye for a while!

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Marge: Homer! That side of bacon was for my bridge game tonight!

Homer: Marge, if you don't mind, I'm a little busy right now achieving financial independence.

Marge: With cans of grease?

Homer: [sarcastically] No! Through savings and wise investment. Of course with grease.

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Homer Simpson: Okay, boy. This is where all the hard work, sacrifice, and painful scaldings pay off.

Employee: Four pounds of grease... that comes to... sixty-three cents.

Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo!

Bart Simpson: Dad, all that bacon cost twenty-seven dollars.

Homer Simpson: Yeah, but your mom paid for that!

Bart Simpson: But doesn't she get her money from you?

Homer Simpson: And I get my money from grease! What's the problem?

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Alex Whitney: Your name's Lisa? Shut up, I love that name!

Lisa Simpson: Did she just tell me to shut up?

Principal Skinner: Take it outside.

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Principal Skinner: [over the intercom] Attention please, I need a volunteer for a thankless chore.

[Lisa raises her hand]

Principal Skinner: Shall I assume the only hand in the air is Lisa Simpson? Thank you, Lisa

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Nelson Muntz: [talking to a group of kids] The thing about huckleberries is, once you've had fresh, you'll never go back to canned.

[Skinner walks by]

Nelson Muntz: Uh, um... uh, so anyway, I kicked the guy's ass!

[Skinner nods and walks off]

Nelson Muntz: Now, if the berries are too tart, I just dust them with confectioner's sugar.

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Homer Simpson: All right, son. We're about to embark on our most difficult mission. Let's bow our heads in prayer. Dear Lord, I know you're busy, seeing as how you can watch women changing clothes and stuff. But if you help us steal this grease tonight, I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity.

Bart Simpson: Dad, He's not stupid.

Homer Simpson: All right, screw it, let's roll!

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Principal Skinner: Oh, Lisa, I was hoping I could count on you again to spearhead our annual school-wide apple pick.

Lisa Simpson: Absolutely.

Alex Whitney: Apple... pick?

Lisa Simpson: Yeah, it's great! We have pony rides, sing-a-longs, apple bobbing, apple picking, apple everything!

Principal Skinner: Ah, you forgot apple bobbing.

Lisa Simpson: No, I didn't!

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Principal Skinner: [over the intercom] Attention please, I need a volunteer for a thankless chore.

[Lisa raises her hand]

Principal Skinner: Shall I assume the only hand in the air is Lisa Simpson? Thank you, Lisa.

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Janey: Didn't your old school have apple picks?

Alex Whitney: No, we weren't big on fruit. We more into, like, dances. You know, things that are fun.

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Groundskeeper Willie: [indicating his fists] If it was up to me, I'd let you go; but the boys have a temper, and they've been drinking all day.

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Alex Whitney: Calm down, Lisa. DMY.

Lisa Simpson: DMY?

Alex Whitney: Don't mess yourself.

Lisa Simpson: Ew!

Alex Whitney: See, that's why we changed it to DMY.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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