Homer: Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
[At Kamp Krusty Fat Camp]
Kamp Krusty Counsellor: All right, you balls of pan drippings, I want to see Crisco coming out of those pores! We're not leaving until this Christmas HAM gives me a pull-up!
Lisa: [writing a letter] "Dear Mom, I no longer fear Hell, because I've been to Kamp Krusty. Our nature hikes have become grim death marches. Our arts and crafts hut is, in truth, a Dickensian workhouse. Bart makes it through the day clinging to his hope that Krusty the Klown will come. But I am far more pessimistic. I am not even sure if this letter will reach you, as the normal lines of communication have been cut. So I close by saying, SAVE US! SAVE US NOW! Bart and Lisa."
Bart: [opening his locker] Thirty-six, twenty-four, thirty-six. Ha-ha-ha...
Krusty the Clown: Get ready for two weeks at the happiest place on earth... Tijuana!
[Kent Brockman is covering a summer camp mutiny]
Kent Brockman: Ladies and gentlemen, I've been to Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Iraq, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together.
Lisa: I feel like I'm gonna die, Bart.
Bart: We're all gonna die, Lis.
Lisa: I meant soon.
Bart: So did I.
[Mr. Black announces Krusty the Klown]
Bart: [half-crazed] See? I told you Krusty would come! Ha-ha! He's gonna bring us food, and water, and smite our enemies!
Bart: That's Not Krusty the Klown!
Mr. Black: What do you think, I just slapped a clown suit on some wino?
Barney Gumble: Yeah Bart, I am so Crunchy the Clown!
[while the kids at Kamp Krusty are starved and tormented, the counsellors sit down to a sumptuous meal]
Jimbo Jones: Yo, Mr. Black! Another brandy.
Mr. Black: Gentlemen, to evil.
Krusty the Clown: Kamp Krusty is built on an ancient Indian burial ground. We've got archery, wallet-making, the whole megillah! And for all you fat kids, my exclusive program of diet and ridicule will really get results!
Mr. Prince: We'll see you when you get back from image enhancement camp.
Martin Prince: Spare me your euphemisms! It's fat camp, for Daddy's chubby little secret!
Mr. Prince: You promised you wouldn't make a scene.
[as the campers begin rioting]
Mr. Black: I thought you said you broke their spirits!
Jimbo Jones: [in rising fear] We did!
Mr. Black: [slapping Jimbo across the face] You broke *nothing*!
Bart: Let's get 'em!
Mr. Black: To the hydrofoil!
Bart: This camp was a nightmare. They fed us gruel, forced us to make wallets for export and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
Krusty the Clown: Oh, my god!
Bart: Actually, the bear just ate his hat.
Krusty the Clown: Was it a nice hat?
Bart: Oh yeah.
Krusty the Clown: Oh, my god!
Bart: All right, that's it! I've been scorched by Krusty before. I got a rapid heartbeat from those Krusty Brand vitamins, my Krusty calculator didn't have a 7 or an 8, and Krusty's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions, but this time he's gone too far! We want Krusty!
Campers: We want Krusty! We want Krusty!
Barney Gumble: Yeah, we want Crunchy! We want Crunchy!