- Agnes Skinner: Seymour, tell these people we're going ahead of them.
- Principal Skinner: I'm not the principal of the line, mother.
- Agnes Skinner: And you never will be.
- [after watching the bizarre "Mr. Sparkle" Japanese commercial]
- Homer Simpson: [distraught] That didn't explain anything. All I know is that they stole my face and used it for their stupid logo. There's no other explanation.
- Lisa Simpson: Wait, look!
- Announcer: [on TV] Mr. Sparkle. A joint venture of Matsumura Fishworks and Tamaribuchi Heavy Manufacturing Concern.
- [a smiling fish logo appears on the left half of the screen and a light bulb logo appears on the right half. The two logos merge to form the Mr. Sparkle logo]
- Lisa Simpson: Hey! It was all a coincidence.
- Bart Simpson: [to Homer] Yep. There's your answer, fishbulb.
- Homer Simpson: [tired] Well, it was a good ride while it lasted. Come on kids, let's go home.
- Bart Simpson: We ARE home.
- Homer Simpson: [slouching onto the couch] That was fast.
- Rev. Lovejoy: [consoling Principal Skinner over the phone] Why don't you read your Bible?
- Principal Skinner: Which part?
- Rev. Lovejoy: It's all good.
- Rev. Lovejoy: [Describes being bothered incessantly by Ned Flanders] Eventually, I just gave up and stopped caring. Luckily, by then it was the '80s, and no one noticed.
- Marge Simpson: You can't let a few bad experiences put you off helping people!
- Rev. Lovejoy: Oh, sure I can.
- Akira: [on phone] Hai... Hai... Hai... Bye.
- Akira: [hangs up and turns to Homer, Bart, Lisa]
- Akira: Hi.
- Homer Simpson: Akira, can you read this for me?
- [hands Akira the box]
- Akira: [reading] Ah, yes. This is a product called, "Mr. Sparkle." Very popular dish detergent.
- [points to box illustration]
- Akira: Hey, he looks like you. Ah! Ah - ha! Ah! Ah!
- Lisa Simpson: What's he saying?
- Akira: He identifies himself as a magnet for foodstuffs. He boasts that he will banish dirt to the land of wind and ghosts.
- Lisa Simpson: Wow.
- Akira: Yes, you have very lucky dishes, Mr. Simpson. This soap is from the sacred forests of Hokkaido, renowned for its countless soap factories.
- Mr. Sparkle Executive: [heavily accented] Oh, hello, American investor. I see you are interested in distributing Mr. Sparkle in you home prefecture. You have chosen wisely. But please - don't believe me. Observe this commercial.
- Mr. Sparkle: [begin commercial. A Japanese housewife wearing semi-futuristic clothing loads a dishwasher. She pulls out a whistle, which summons Mr. Sparkle. His head jumps off the Mr. Sparkle box, and floats in mid-air. True to his name, bright sparkles fill the air]
- Mr. Sparkle: [in Japanese; subtitled] I'm disrespectful to dirt. Can you see that I am serious?
- Mr. Sparkle: [having no arms or legs, Mr. Sparkle scrubs the dishes clean by rubbing up and down with his head. The housewife is delighted with her clean dinnerware. Mr. Sparkle flies into the next room, where a baby is playing with a toy xylophone. He amuses the child by bouncing on a few keys, and then flies off. In the next scene, he appears deep beneath the ocean, where a trio of dancing women hang out, where else?, on the sea floor] Out of my way, all of you. This is no place for loafers! Join me or die! Can you do any less?
- Dancing Woman #2, Dancing Woman #3, Dancing Woman #1: What a brave corporate logo! I accept the challenge of Mr. Sparkle.
- Dancing Woman #3: Awesome power!
- [an inset box appears in the upper left corner of the screen, showing a windup monkey toy banging a drum. Mr. Sparkle demonstrates his awesome power by blowing up a strong wind of heart-shaped symbols. The wind transforms the dancing women into giggling Sumo wrestlers. I am not convinced this is an improvement. Mr. Sparkle then proceeds to fly over a cow pasture. A reporter is interviewing a two-headed cow]
- Reporter in Commercial: What are your plans for summer vacation?
- Mr. Sparkle: [the cow spots Mr. Sparkle floating overhead, and is so surprised she shatters. Her four eyes hover in mid-air for a second, then fall to the ground and blink. Cut to a screen where Japanese slogans spiral to a vanishing point at the center of the screen. Mr. Sparkle appears at the center and heads toward the camera, rotating in the opposite direction] For lucky best wash, use Mr. Sparkle.
- Homer Simpson: [at Old Springfield Library reference desk] I'd like the phone book for Hokkaido, Japan, please.
- Librarian: Okay. Here you go. Phone book for Hokkaido, Japan.
- Homer Simpson: Thank you. May I please use your phone?
- Librarian: Is it a local call?
- Homer Simpson: Yyyyy... yes.
- Principal Skinner: This is principal skinner my mother has gone to far she put card board over her half of the tv. we rented the man without a face and didn't even no the guy had a problem