[the teenagers Homer and Barney are doing an acapella version of "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing" in front of a mirror]
Middle-aged Grampa: What the Hell are you two doin'?
Young Barney: It's called rockin' out!
Young Homer: You wouldn't understan', dad. You're not *with it*.
Middle-aged Grampa: I used to be with it, but then they changed what *it* was. Now what I'm with isn't *it*, and what's *it* seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you...
Bart: Making teenagers depressed is like shooting fish in a barrel.
Homer: Why do you need new bands? Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact.
[Bachman Turner Overdrive is playing at a county fair]
Bart: Who are those pleasant old men?
Homer: It's BTO. They're Canada's answer to ELP. Their big hit was TCB.
[Bart stares at Homer]
Homer: That's how we talked in the '70s. We didn't have a moment to spare.
Homer: You wouldn't understand, Dad, you're not with it!
Grampa: I was with it once! And then they changed what it was! And now what I'm with isn't it and what's it seems weird and scary to me! And it'll happen to you!
Homer: I went to the record store today and they were playing all that music I've never heard of. It was like the store had gone crazy.
Marge: Hmm. Record stores have always seemed crazy to me, but it doesn't upset me. Music is none of my business.
Homer: That's all well and good for you, but I used to rock and roll all night and party every day. Then it was every other day... now I'm lucky to find half an hour a week in which to get funky. I've got to get out of this rut and back into the groove.
Roadie: [after Homer launches an inflated pig from a cannon] Oh no, Peter Frampton's gonna be pissed off.
Peter Frampton: You're damn right I'm gonna be pissed off. I bought that pig at Pink Floyd's yard sale!
Marge: [Reading] Due to the unscheduled trip to the autowrecking yard the school bus will be out of commission for two weeks. Note by reading this letter out loud you have waived any resposinbility on our part in perpituity throughout the known universe?
Homer: Grand Funk Railroad paved the way for Jefferson Airplane, which cleared the way for Jefferson Starship. The stage was now set for the Alan Parsons Project, which I believe was some sort of hovercraft.
Homer: For more information on Grand Funk, consult your school library!
B-Real: Before we start, we have a lost child here. If she's not claimed within the next hour, she will become property of Blockbuster Entertainment.
Bart: Do you wear boxers or briefs?
Homer: [checking] Nope.
Bart: What religion are you?
Homer: You know, the one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work out in real life. Uh... Christianity.
Mr. Burns: [chuckles] And to think, Smithers: you laughed when I bought TicketMaster. "Nobody's going to pay a 100% service charge."
Waylon Smithers: Well, it's a policy that ensures a healthy mix of the rich and the ignorant, sir.
Homer: You know my kids think you're the greatest, and thanks to your gloomy music they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide.
Billy Corgan: Well we try to make a difference.
Peter Frampton: Oh, this is just great. First Homer Simpson wrecks my pig, then Cypress Hill steals my orchestra, and now Sonic Youth's in my cooler. Get out of there!
Thurston Moore: But you're not going to eat all that watermelon, Mr. Frampton.
Milhouse Van Houten: Hey, wait! I'm okay today! My mom bought me deodorant!
Homer: Pftt... Rules. I'm a rocker, I don't care for rules.
Veterinarian: Mr. Simpson, this is serious. If you take one more cannonball to the gut, you will die.
Homer: Die? Well, you don't scare me, doc, 'cause dying would be a stone groove. Got any messages for Jimi Hendrix?
Veterinarian: Yes: "Pick up your puppy."
Billy Corgan: Hey, Homer, looks like our next stop is your hometown, Springfield.
D'arcy Wretzky: D'Arcy: Is it true that we have to bring our own water?
Homer: We got a little rule back home: if it's brown, drink it down; if it's black, send it back.
Bart: I wanna buy a copy of 'Bonestorm', here's ninety-nine cents.
Comic Book Store Guy: Huhhh, allow me to summarize the proposed transaction. You wish to purchase 'Bonestorm'for ninety-nine cents, net profit to me: negative fifty-nine dollars.
[opens cash register]
Comic Book Store Guy: Oh! Oh, please take my fifty-nine dollars, I don't want it, it's yours!
[Bart reaches for the cash]
Comic Book Store Guy: Eh-eh-eh! Seeing as we are unfamiliar with sarcasm, I shall close the register at this point.