Edit
"The Simpsons" Homer vs. Patty and Selma (TV Episode 1995) Poster

Quotes

Bart: What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them - as is my understanding...

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[Homer is a limo driver]

Homer: Oh wow, I can't believe my first passenger is comedy legend Mel Brooks. You know that movie, Young Frankenstein? Scared the hell out of me.

Mel Brooks: Umm, thanks.

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Selma: We own you like Siegfried owns Roy.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[Homer enters the room]

Selma: Am I wrong, or did it just get fatter in here?

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Patty: We thought we'd stop by unexpectedly for dinner.

Selma: Now bring us some extra chairs like a good blubber-in-law.

Homer: Time to fertilize the lawn; a couple of 500 pound bags should do it!

[grabs them by the neck]

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[Homer has asked Moe for a loan]

Moe: Sure, Homer, I can loan you the money. However, since you have no collateral, I'm gonna have to break your legs in advance.

Homer: Gee, Moe, that seems a bit extreme. Couldn't you just bash my brains in?

Moe: Are you a loan shark? Do you understand how finance works?

[Pulls out a sledgehammer]

Moe: Now, let's do this thing.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Homer: God is teasing me. Just like he teased Moses in the desert.

Marge: *Tested,* Homer. God *tested* Moses.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Homer: [after throwing Patty and Selma out, turns to Patty] I never wanna see you again!

[turns to Selma]

Homer: You either.

[slams door]

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Selma: After all, you can't spell obsequious without iou.

Homer: I'll have to take your word on that.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Marge: Homer, are we in some sort of fiduciary trouble?

Homer: [imagines Marge as a queen] Oh, my loyal wife... of course not.

[Lisa walks by the room, he imagines her as a princess]

Homer: And Lisa, my little princess.

[Bart walks by, he imagines him as a human-rat hybrid]

Homer: And who could forget dear Ratboy?

Bart: Ratboy? I resent that.

[chomps on bedroom entrance]

Marge: Bart, I told you before - stop gnawing on the drywall.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Carl: Quit drowning in self-pity and come get drunk with us.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Lisa: How's dad today?

Marge: Not too good, Lisa. Frankly, he's under the table.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Marge: Try to be nice to my sisters. It's very hard on me to have you fighting all the time.

Homer: Oh, OK Marge, I'll get along with them. Then, I will hug some snakes! Yes, I will hug and kiss some poisonous *snakes*!

[pause]

Homer: Now that's sarcasm.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Homer: Well, Lisa, I managed to solve a little problem today, and to celebrate, I'm going to tilt my chair

[Slants his chair back]

Homer: Mmmmmm... slanty.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Homer: Oh, how can I tell Marge we're broke? I need a miracle.

[sees smoke coming out from under the front door]

Homer: My house is on fire! Woo-hoo! Insurance to the rescue!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Homer: Marge, we had an agreement. Your sisters don't come here after six, and I stop eating your lipstick.

[quickly turns away and wipes lipstick from his teeth]

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Homer: Oh, I'll never pay off that debt!

TV Commercial: Need money fast? Got no experience? Step up to elegance! Become a limo driver at Classy Joe's.

Homer: That's it! I'll make money with a chauffeur job. Good thing you turned on that TV, Lisa.

Lisa: I didn't turn it on. I thought you turned it on.

Homer: Oh. Well anyway, turn it off.

Lisa: [Looks at the TV] ... It *is* off!

[ominous music plays]

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

Contribute to This Page