Bart: What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them - as is my understanding...
[Homer is a limo driver]
Homer: Oh wow, I can't believe my first passenger is comedy legend Mel Brooks. You know that movie, Young Frankenstein? Scared the hell out of me.
Mel Brooks: Umm, thanks.
[Homer enters the room]
Selma: Am I wrong, or did it just get fatter in here?
Patty: We thought we'd stop by unexpectedly for dinner.
Selma: Now bring us some extra chairs like a good blubber-in-law.
Homer: Time to fertilize the lawn; a couple of 500 pound bags should do it!
[grabs them by the neck]
[Homer has asked Moe for a loan]
Moe: Sure, Homer, I can loan you the money. However, since you have no collateral, I'm gonna have to break your legs in advance.
Homer: Gee, Moe, that seems a bit extreme. Couldn't you just bash my brains in?
Moe: Are you a loan shark? Do you understand how finance works?
[Pulls out a sledgehammer]
Moe: Now, let's do this thing.
Homer: God is teasing me. Just like he teased Moses in the desert.
Marge: *Tested,* Homer. God *tested* Moses.
Homer: [after throwing Patty and Selma out, turns to Patty] I never wanna see you again!
[turns to Selma]
Homer: You either.
Selma: After all, you can't spell obsequious without iou.
Homer: I'll have to take your word on that.
Marge: Homer, are we in some sort of fiduciary trouble?
Homer: [imagines Marge as a queen] Oh, my loyal wife... of course not.
[Lisa walks by the room, he imagines her as a princess]
Homer: And Lisa, my little princess.
[Bart walks by, he imagines him as a human-rat hybrid]
Homer: And who could forget dear Ratboy?
Bart: Ratboy? I resent that.
[chomps on bedroom entrance]
Marge: Bart, I told you before - stop gnawing on the drywall.
Marge: Try to be nice to my sisters. It's very hard on me to have you fighting all the time.
Homer: Oh, OK Marge, I'll get along with them. Then, I will hug some snakes! Yes, I will hug and kiss some poisonous *snakes*!
Homer: Now that's sarcasm.
Homer: Well, Lisa, I managed to solve a little problem today, and to celebrate, I'm going to tilt my chair
[Slants his chair back]
Homer: Mmmmmm... slanty.
Homer: Oh, how can I tell Marge we're broke? I need a miracle.
[sees smoke coming out from under the front door]
Homer: My house is on fire! Woo-hoo! Insurance to the rescue!
Homer: Marge, we had an agreement. Your sisters don't come here after six, and I stop eating your lipstick.
[quickly turns away and wipes lipstick from his teeth]
Homer: Oh, I'll never pay off that debt!
TV Commercial: Need money fast? Got no experience? Step up to elegance! Become a limo driver at Classy Joe's.
Homer: That's it! I'll make money with a chauffeur job. Good thing you turned on that TV, Lisa.
Lisa: I didn't turn it on. I thought you turned it on.
Homer: Oh. Well anyway, turn it off.
Lisa: [Looks at the TV] ... It *is* off!
[ominous music plays]